Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I'm Allergic To That, Too!

I am such a sick child. If I was born in the 1800's I'd probably be dead by now. Tubercular meningitis when I was 12. Multiple incidents of strep in one year. Broken bones. Asthma.

As I got older I started having trouble with reflux. Not the acidic burning in your throat kind of reflux, but a little cough, then a persistent cough. Then a persistent hacking cough. It's lovely. My wife told me that if there was anything that she'd leave me for it would be my loud wet phlegm-producing persistent hacking cough. How's that for a visual?

She was on my case for a while to go to a doctor. I've been seeing doctors for about 2 years now. I've changed medications, added medications, removed medications. Still coughing. Then she told me that I needed to see a pulmonologist.

In November I saw a pulmonologist for the first time. Get this - he changed my medication. However, he also ordered an allergy test. I got those results today. He introduced the results by saying that I have the Murphy's Law of allergy tests.

Normally a person should have an IgE (?) level of less than 0.35. I tipped the scales on some of these. Check out this list of things that I am allergic to:

Alternaria Alternata (fungal pathogen)
Aspergillus Fumigatus (decomposition fungus)
Cadosporium Herbarum (fungus)
D. Pteronyssiunus (dust mites)
D. Farinae
Bermuda Grass
Johnson Grass
Timothy Grass (who are these Grass people?)
Common ragweed
Sheep Sorrel (not to be confused with Sorrell Booke)
Rough Pigweed
Cat dander
Dog dander
Mountain Cedar
White Oak
White mulberry
Idiot coworkers
Intolerant Democrats
Martin O'Malley (political fungus)
Lima beans
Brussels sprouts
Self-righteous right-wingers
Orange soda
Excessive amounts of exercise
Maryland General Assembly (fungus incubator)
Redistricting (fungus redistributor)
Joe Biden (Delawares fungus)

My doctor said that to improve my health I probably should not cut the lawn or vacuum, since those activities stir up the dust mites. I think I should include laundry and dishes on that list. Hopefully my wife will fully support my efforts to be healthier.

Not sure how I'm going to avoid the other items.

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