Dear Carroll County Bureaucrats

Dear Carroll County Bureaucrats,

Thank you for plowing my street. Thank your plowing my street 6 days after the last snow storm. Thank you for plowing my street 6 days after the last snow storm and not within a couple of days of the storm with the snow was still snow and somewhat manageable. Thank you for plowing my street 6 days after the last snow storm when the street was 4 inches of packed ice and the street was only wide enough for one car. Thank you for placing 25 pound chunks of solid ice at the end of my driveway so that I had to clear my driveway at 6:45 am and be late for work. Thank you for not entirely clearing the street, nor making no attempt at making my street any wider so that 2 cars could pass. Thank you for the blind corners. Thank you for the streets where the lanes come to a sudden end and we are forced into the lanes of oncoming traffic (see Hemlock Drive in Eldersburg).

Dear Helen the Post Office Delivery Lady,

I am sorry that I didn't shovel out my mailbox. I made a horrible assumption that the plow would come within a day or so of the last storm and push more of the snow off of the street, after which I would clear away the remaining snow (see previous letter). Unfortunately, the snow in front of the mailbox is now a 4 ft high polar ice cap and I am making no attempt to remove it. I left my pick-ax in San Francisco during the last gold rush. I hope that my 18 inch wide path to the mailbox from the middle of the street will suffice until May when this snow has finally melted. I do not envy your job for the next several weeks.

Dear Carroll County Board of Education,

Thank you for utilizing your new auto-dialer every time schools are opening late. I really like to get that dream shattering panic phone call at 6am to tell me that my elementary school children who normally leave for school at quarter-to-nine will be going in at quarter-to-eleven instead. It's always good to know several hours ahead of time. Additionally, I forgot how to watch Channel 11 in the morning to find out this news for myself, so your method of communication is wonderful.

Thank you for the conversation that we had when I called to complain about the calls. I totally understand that your system is rigid and inflexible. I understand that technology is at a total stand-still and there is absolutely no way to call people at different times or opt out of certain calls. Yes, I would like to know when there is a local emergency, but understand that also requires you to call me at 6am when schools are opening late. It's an all or nothing technology. Sort of like automobiles. Options are not a reasonable request.

Fortunately Carroll County bureaucrats were not running this country in the 1770's. I can imagine that you would have thrown up your hands and surrendered to the British tyrannical demands. There's no other way, right? We have no options, right? Just go back to sitting on your hands and running the county. You're doing a great job!!!

Sincerely,

Eludius, the understanding citizen of South Carroll