Friday, January 25, 2008

A Week of Weakness

O'Malley Virus
Sorry for the lack of posts this week. I was stricken with the O'Malley virus. My daughter had it first, then my wife, my mother-in-law, then me.

What is the O'Malley virus you ask? It starts off with a mild nauseous feeling. After a few hours it turns to wretched vomiting and doesn't stop for hours. After you've lost 6% of your weight, you start convincing yourself that this illness was not actually an illness, but a remedy to your previous problems. You lay around for several more days exhausted and in pain, so nothing gets done. But you know that you've invested in your priorities for the future and it will be alright.

New York Times Endorsement
For the first time in 7 Presidential elections, the New York Times has not endorsed Satan for the Democratic nomination. Instead, they nominated Hillary Clinton, who previously was a close advisor of Mr. Lucifer. Some analysts wonder if there has been a shake-up in hell and wonder who truly is in charge of evil deeds.

On the Republican side, they nominated centrist John McCain, the most liberal of the Republican candidates. They praised McCain for being the only Republican candidate who agrees with most of the Democrats, but criticized him for his occasional agreements with conservative principals, which may make him unfit for being a President.

Electric Rates
In an effort to keep electricity rates affordable as promised during his gubernatorial campaign, O'Malley and his appointees at the Public Service Commission have agreed to raise electricity rates for the third time since O'Malley took office.

In a related note, in a continuing effort to control government spending, the Public Service Commission will receive a 28% raise in their salary. This will ensure that they retain competent individuals with industry experience who have never worked with public utilities. Public Service Commissioner Steve Larson said he supports O'Malley's decision to raise his salary.

Pay For Grades
Baltimore City Schools are contemplating paying students for passing tests. In a surprising development, 100% of students are in favor of this idea. The way it works is that if a student fails an assessment test, but then retakes the test and improves their grade by 20%, then they get $110.

Any dumb 13 year-old can quickly figure out that you do as crappy as you can the first time. Then you retake the test and hopefully pass. Even the smart students will see the incentive to fail the first time. Funny how an incentive to pass a test will have the immediate opposite effect - every student will want to fail the first time. I suspect that O'Malley will soon be replacing School Board members with members of the Public Service Commission. It's for the children.

1 comment:

CAG Incognito said...

O'Malley Virus though? Not only is that hilarious, but classic. LOL Love it!

Yeah when I heard about the kids getting paid to get good grades on the news last week. I was pissed! Why the hell didn't they think of that when I was younger? LOL No seriously, I think that idea is beyond moronic. Back to the drawing board because that plan sucks!

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