Mayor Sheila Dixon

If Sheila Dixon becoming the mayor of Baltimore is a sign of the times, it is also a sign that anything in life can be accomplished - even the perceived impossible. If Sheila Dixon can get elected mayor, my hopes of a naked encounter with Reese Witherspoon are still alive and very realistic.

Sheila Dixon was sworn in as the first female mayor of Baltimore on Tuesday. She was sworn in as the first elected female African-American mayor of Baltimore. (Clarence Du Burns was the first African-American mayor in Baltimore, but he was selected to replace Donald Shaeffer when he was elected Governor. Burns was subsequently overwhelmingly defeated by Kurt Schmoke in the next election, who some claim wasn't really black.)

In addition, Sheila Dixon was sworn in as the most uneloquent mayor in Baltimore's history. She was sworn in as the most dumbest person to ever hold the office. She was sworn in as the first woman who knows all about how Maryland won the 2002 NAACP Championship. She was sworn in as the first mayor who knows all about swinging at the ball above the rim.

Not to belittle her accomplishments, she should also be recognized as being sworn in with a heaping of ethics violations, more than most mayors could ever aspire. This includes the recent raid of her office and the Baltimore Development Corporation. She called the raid a witch hunt, but when asked the substance of the raid, she said it was none of our business. If you don't think that Mayor Dixon is a fraud and a crook, read these 33 articles compiled by The Sun.

When asked to comment about the investigations, a reporter claims that he overheard Dixon reply, "Deez investigatations will pwoove dat it's a witch hunt and I've done noffwing wong. Deez cwimes could have been pweven'ed. We will cowopoate fullwy and when it is over, we will get back to the budniss of tacklwing the tough issues of our city."

However, in her defense, she claims that she's the most misunderstood elected official in Baltimore. I would have to agree. I don't understand what the hell she's saying.

Finally, in a press release from her office, they announced that they expected former mayors D'Alesandro III, O'Malley, Schmoke, and Du Burns to attend the festivities. Du Burns, who died in 2003, actually called at the last minute to inform Mayor Dixon that he would not be able to attend. Her office had to re-released the press statement.