Thursday, July 31, 2008

Look Who I Met Or Look Who Met Me

I was at the Orioles game last Friday, you know, the one where they lost, yeah that one. I was walking to my section where I hear this voice yelling, "Eludius! Eludius! Mr. Eludius!"

I turn my head and I see this man walking toward me. He asks, "Are you the famous blogger, Eludius?"

"Indeed I am" I tell the man. He then pulls out his camera and asks if he can get his picture with me. I said sure. Then I realized that is was Democratic Congressman Elijah Cummings (D-7).

Now, always wanting to be fair and balanced, I agreed to the photo opportunity. Unfortunately, he ran off before I got to ask him a couple questions, such as:

1) if Democrats outnumber Republicans 2:1 in Maryland (that's 33% Republican), why is it that only 12% of Congressmen are Republican? Would it be because of the illegal Gerrymandering of District 2, District 3, and District 4 ?

2) You mentioned that Federal aid to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina was delayed because of racism in the Republican party, despite the government never having rescued any area after a hurricane. Do you stand by this statement? Do you think that Republicans in your district are racists?

3) Why did you vote against making it a crime to kill an unborn fetus while committing another crime? Is it okay to kill an unborn child if you beat up the mother for her wallet?

4) Despite proof that babies can feel pain at this point in their life, why did you vote against the ban on partial birth abortion which allows doctors to rip a baby to shreds?

Unfortunately, my questions will go unanswered. I must say though, that Congressman Cummings was very polite.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Chris Emry - Where Are You?

Anyone a regular listener to 100.7 The Bay and wonder what happened to Chris Emry in the morning? Michael Fillipelli's okay, but the show was much better with Chris. I have checked their website and I see nothing about him anymore, so it's obvious that he's gone. Where'd he go?

Patricia Jessamy Hates Zach Sowers

I'm not sure if that's true, but she sure hates the negative publicity that she is receiving. And now it's our fault.

Jessamy's idiot spokesperson, Margaret Burns, who said that Zach Sower's pulverized face looked like a sleeping baby, was the target of a rally yesterday at City Hall. The rally, led by Sower's widow Anna Sowers, is demanding that Burns be fired after she refused to apologize or retract her statements.

In response to the rally, or maybe prior to the rally, Patrician Jessamy's office issued this statement:

"I continue to be focused on doing the job the citizens of Baltimore elected me to do. I have learned over the past several months that anything I, or individuals in my office say or do in reference to the Zach Sowers case will in all probability be misstated, misquoted, misrepresented, misinterpreted, and/or misunderstood. Knowing this, I therefore decline to make any statement regarding past, current or future events related to this case."

Jessamy is now on the defensive. She claims to being the work the citizens elected her to do. Was she elected to hire idiots who make idiotic statements? Was she elected to not convict as many criminals as possible? Was she elected to release arrogant statements blaming the public and media for her idiot staff's comments?

It's not her fault or her staff's fault that her staff made some idiotic statement about the case. And the fact that they pursued Zach's death beating as a robbery and assault is ridiculous. Jessamy's office is not interested in pursuing justice. They seem more interested in pursuing independence and business as usual.

If Patricia Jessamy is reelected, then Baltimore deserves the paltry conviction rate that releases of so many violent criminals back onto the streets of the city. Why are most parts of Baltimore such a shit hole? Because of the actions of most of our city's elected officials - like Patricia Jessamy.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

New Life At Mondawmin Mall

In an act of sheer bravery, Minnesota-based Target opened a new store today at the once dead Mondawmin Mall. This is not the first target in Baltimore, but it is the first Target. City leaders are hoping that this store will help invigorate the west side ghetto.

My sources say that in the several hours the store has been open, there have only been 147 instances of shoplifting and no one has been shot. Sheila Dixon is happy with these statistics and will probably use it as proof that Baltimore is moving forward.

In the article by Kelly McPherson, she points out that what is happening in Baltimore with retailers has already happened in other successful cities like Detroit. Yes - Baltimore aspires to be as successful as Detroit. Isn't the unemployment rate for black men between 18 and 50 years old like 75%? And isn't Detroit's mayor under investigation and currently being charged with several felonies? We're like sister cities!

Anyway, I predict that this store will be open for at least 3 years. After that, they will be pushed out of the way for a farmer's market or a Sticks-N'-Stuff.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Irish Wisdom for Our Presidential Election

Since I blog everyone thinks they have the perfect content for me to post. So, sifting through the thousands of emails about Barack Obama not saluting the flag and being a radical left-wing Muslim (isn't that redundant???) and Martin O'Malley fathering a child with a TV reporter from WBAL, I came across this email that I thought was funny:

'We, in Ireland, can't figure out why people in the United States are
even bothering to hold an election.

On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who
can't keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a
lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer
who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts
with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology married to a good looking younger
woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What in Lord's name are you lads thinking over there in the colonies??'

Honda Sucks

I bought my 2008 Honda Pilot at Northwest Honda in Owings Mills, MD ((410) 363-8700). Max Cho was the sales guy and he told me that the first oil change would be complimentary by Honda.

Well, today I called to make that appointment. The service manager said that they have no policy of giving free oil changes for the first oil change, but if I had some sort of written proof, they'd honor it. I have no written proof. My salesman, Max Cho said it so I took it to be true. Maybe that's why Max Cho no longer works there.

So, if you buy a vehicle from Northwest Honda, make sure you get any deals in writing. They tend to make outlandish claims that they will not support. And if you're buying a Honda, you'd be better off going to another dealer. Why set yourself up for broken promises? It's kind of like voting for Martin O'Malley - you have these great expectations and he turns around and crushes those promises.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Birthday List

My birthday is fast approaching and I wanted to give all of my loyal readers a chance to get a quick jump on my birthday presents. For your convenience, I am giving you a list of things that I would like for my birthday with a link to the gift:

ZZ Top keychain
Ferrari 308 GTS
6 String Banjo
Ford F-650 Excursion
5 gallons of gas
Nikon D3
The Baltimore Orioles (because I know that I can do a better job than that Angelos guy)
Martin O'Malley's resignation from politics
Mission Style Kitchen set (with 8 chairs)
Complete set of Magnum PI on DVD
Electric Hedge Trimmers
Athearn HO 4-6-6-4
Nikkor 600 mm AF-S f/4G ED VR lens
Van Halen to play at my birthday (they played for Jeff Spicoli after he saved Brooke Shields from drowning and received a huge reward)
1200 sq ft rear addition to my house

To assist everyone, after you have purchased something for my birthday, please leave a comment as to what you purchased. I don't want to be hassled with returning duplicates to the store.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Pictures from the Beach

I was busy taking pictures at the beach. In fact I took about 350. Last night I finally had a chance to go through them. Here are some of the better photos I was able to take.

Funny Survey Question

Every now and then I get an email to take a survey to get money. These come from Surveyspot, Greenfield, Survey Savvy, Harris Poll, and other similar firms. Sometimes I can get $10 for taking a survey.

This morning I got this one about buying groceries. What caught my eye were the things included in the Health and Beauty Aids. If you can't quite read it, it includes Shampoo, Toothpaste, Pasta, and Pancake Mix. Okay....should I be replacing my lavender White Rain with Aunt Jamima Complete?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Beach Boys at the Beach

Our second day at the beach was met with clouds and only a slight amount of warmth blowing around on the beach. However, this deterred us none, because we were preparing ourselves for the evening. Brace yourself - we had seats to see the Beach Boys at the Ocean City Convention Center. Now - really brace yourself. Guest drummer - John Stamos.

I took my daughter as the wife needed to stay with the baby. I doubt an 11 month old would dig loud music. I also went with my MIL, my SIL and her husband and daughter (my niece). If it were not for my daughter I would have initially thought that I was the youngest person in the building. I have never seen so many pot-bellied 60 year-old guys with Hawaiian shirts in my entire life. I know I stuck out like a sore thumb. I donned my yellow Polo shirt. I could hear them whispering oh-so-not-discretely, "Look at that whipper-snapper. Thinks he can come here in a Polo shirt! What's with kids these days? Where's his Hawaiian shirt?"

The concert started around 8pm, just after Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune ended. It was perfect timing. Catch the all-you-can-eat early-bird-special at the smorgasbord, run home, put on your Hawaiian shirt, catch your 2 favorite shows, and head off to the Beach Boys.

Since we were only 2 blocks away we walked to the Convention Center. However, most of the grandpa's and grandma's drove to the Convention Center in their Escalades and Lexus RX's with the Go Green and 1/20/09 bumper stickers (Bush's last day in office). And don't get in their way. Did you know that old people in expensive SUV's have the right-of-way over pedestrians. Several of them told me so. "Get out of the way, you faggot!" It must be my Polo shirt. Don't come between an old man in his leather-seated SUV and a parking spot. He'll put you in your place.

We finally got inside and made our way in. Signs everywhere indicated that no recording devises are allowed, no exceptions. So my niece and I took our cameras. Three old ladies were doing the security check at the door. They looked in purses. I had my camera bulging in my front pocket. "Is that a camera?" "No, it's an IED." "Oh, okay, go on in. Have fun!"

Luckily, my SIL got seats on the bleachers in the back rather than on the floor. Since the Van Halen concert, I vowed never to sit on the floor again. At only 16 inches tall, I can't see over anything, let alone a 60 year old fat guy in a Hawaiian shirt. The Director of Storm Water Management came out and introduced the band. Unlike most concerts that I've been to, they walked out onto the stage waving rather than hiding behind some big black curtain that flashes down and the band begins playing. The Beach Boys now only consist of Mike Love and Burce Johnston.

Mike Love, the tall one with a hat and a Hawaiian shirt introduced the members of the band, including Bruce Johnston, the short guy with a hat and a Hawaiian shirt. Finally he introduces John Stamos. In anticipation of his introduction a gaggle of twenty-somethings that grew up on Full House yelled out, "We love you Uncle Jesse!!!", much to delight and laughter of the crowd. He did his little smile and wave and jumped on the drums. The first song they banged out was "California Girls".

The original Beach Boys really didn't do much singing. Mike Lowe just played the tambourine and Bruce Johnston played the keyboards. A much younger member did most of the singing, and surprisingly, he sounded just like the old Beach Boys. Later in the set, Mike Love is having a conversation with the band to the crowd and he mentions that the next song was written in 1963. Stamos jumps up and says, "The same year I was born!" Some laughter ensued, but Lowe, playing into the gag starts singing a single note, then stops. He turns to the crowd and says, "You know, I could hit that note a lot better when I was dating John's mother." Ha-Ha!!! Stamos seemed somewhat embarrassed, though I'm sure they play that routine at every concert. But it was funny!

Songs sung included Help Me Rhonda, 409, Little Duece Coupe, Surfin' USA, Surfin' Safari, Surfer Girl, Wouldn't It Be Nice?, Sloop John B, Summertime Blues, Fun, Fun, Fun, Don't Worry Baby, I Get Around, Kokomo, and Good Vibrations (which included the hallucinogenic video on the screen). At one point Love is talking the crowd and says the next song is the most patriotic song ever written. My daughter says to me, "It's going to be Be True To Your School". I look at her likes she's nuts, which she is. I ask her why, and she shrugs her shoulders. Love keeps on talking. He said that we would think it's Surfin' USA, but that's a good second choice. Then they start playing - Be True To Your School. Okay, maybe my daughter isn't so crazy. She thinks a lot differently than the rest of the world. Perhaps she's some evil genius.

Anyway, the concert ends with Kokomo and we all file out. I try snapping pictures of Danielle, this big busted girl with a really low-cut dress on that's dancing around in front of us hugging older men in Hawaiian shirts. Damn, I wish I had a Hawaiian shirt. Unfortunately, just holding my camera at my side, I only get a picture of the back of the seat in front of me. However, the flash goes off and it gets her attention and I'm clearly looking at her and her boobs. She stares at me with suspicion. I guess I'm not getting that second chance photo.

We finally make it out of the building and start walking through the parking lot. This time I find out that old men in Hawaiian shirts driving overpriced SUV's have the right-of-way when they are racing up to the red lights. "Get out of the way you moron!" Is my Polo shirt on backwards now???

Thursday, July 03, 2008

On Vacation


My Funny Brother

I'm 35. I'm the thinnest person in my immediate family, which is amazing considering that I'm fairly stocky. I weigh 166 and I am just shy of 5'5" tall.

My brother is 34 and my sister will be 33 this month. No, my mother was not a crack whore and all three siblings have the same last name. But at one point, she had 3 kids in diapers. What in the world was she thinking?

Anyway, my brother is 5'2" and weighs (says he weighs) 210 pounds. He used to have a HUGE red beard and looked like Gimli from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. He shaved it off recently. He hasn't had any form of health or dental insurance in 18 years and it shows. He has about 2/3 of his teeth and the ones that he still has are mostly yellow or grey. Or black. And crusty. It's amazing that he doesn't have 6 girlfriends.

So I called him yesterday to remind him that the credit card for his Netflix account expires at the end of the month. I handle all of his Internet activity to help keep him in line. I asked what he was doing for the 4th of July. He informed me that he is going to a nudist beach in New Jersey. You're doing what? You know, just to kind of check it out. You're going to ogle at naked women, aren't you? No, I think it's a great way to be free of the hassles of clothes and just be yourself. You're going to ogle at naked women aren't you? No. Yes you are, I've know you. You're going to ogle at naked women.

So then he informed me that for his preparation he bought a nice new bathing suit and a Speedo. He'll wear the Speedo under the bathing suit so that he can undress in layers until he's comfortable. Yeah, he's that guy. I told him that if he popped a boner he needed to leave. Oh, boy. And we're related? Impossible.

Skeleton of First Politician Found!!!

SUV Owners Are Terrorists

I learned yesterday from the Washington Post by Annys Shin (is your name pronounced Anus Shin?) that I am a terrorist. Apparently because I bought an SUV I am a terrorist, and by logic if you support the terrorists, there you too are a terrorist.

The article itself should have been in the Op/Ed section since it was full of opinion, hatred, venom, and vitriol. "Americans' love affair with 22-inch rims, eight cylinders and four-wheel drive wrapped in an 8,000-pound package is over. " 8,000 pounds? Come on. Honda Pilot weighs 5900 lbs, the Ford Explorer weighs 6000 lbs, even the Chevy Suburban weighs 7200 pounds. 8,000 pounds. Does Annys think everyone drives a Ford Canyonaro or a Hummer H2?

"For those determined to swap their fuel-thirsty behemoths for gas-sipping subcompacts..." She forgot to mention fuel thirsty minivans. Oh, yes. Their gas mileage sucks, too, Ms. Shin!

"The infatuation with SUVs began a decade ago. " Wrong! The Chevy S-10 Blazer was introduced in 1982, the Ford Explorer in 1990, and the Jeep Cherokee in 1984. Immediately sales of these vehicles took off. Any by my math, a decade ago was 1998, well after the infatuation began.

"Through the years, SUV owners drove on, unfazed by the danger of rollovers ..." Shut up you tofu eating level 3 vegan granola nut!!!

And if the article wasn't looney enough, there were the comments left by readers:

I don't feel sorry for these idiots who purchased these huge gas guzzling vehicles, knowing one day the cost of gas could rise. I am still seeing blacks and Central Americans driving around in brand new SUV's even thou gasoline prices have skyrocketed. (Nice racist comment)

Just wait till next winter when the public service announcements go out for four-wheel drive vehicles to assist with hospital personnel. Are all you hyper-milers going to rise to the occassion? (Yeah, F-the Prius crowd!!!)

I propose: Outlawing all 8 Cyl Vehicles, All Cars that go over 55 MPH, All cars that are older than 5 years, All Rigs that are diesel and gas powered. Hydrogen baby! (I propose outlawing Internet access for liberals)

wallstreethotrod (my Washington Post user name) is an idiot. must work for bear sterns.he thinks we have the freedom to drive whatever we want. try driving a tank down the highway, you moron.This is about the future of the planet.SUVs use too much gas and cause too much pollution. There's no upside. They are bad. They are wrong. They should never have been built in the first place.Maybe someday big vehicles will be illegal and that would be a good idea.You do not have a right to drive. Any driver instructor will tell you that, you stupid idiot.

The comments by these SUV haters are hysterical. These are the same people that are hollering about civil rights, liberties, and freedom of speech. But it only seems to apply when it meets their agenda. People that want the freedom to drive whatever they want - damn them! I love the condescending left! (this guy is brilliant!!! Oh, wait, I wrote that.)

I think we should put in place a sort of commercial vehicle tax on everything getting less than 30 mpg. The license plate would cost what it now costs plus a new $3000 "resource hog" fee similar to the $3000 commercial vehicle fee that semi trailer rigs and buses now pay. (I think liberals ought to cut off their testicals when their hybrid batteries die and they send them to Taiwan to be incinerated)

Fuel efficient cars keep us off foreign oil and are patriotic. Rebpulican style SUVs only help the terrorists. ( I hate them Rebpulican's, too!)

You have a choice.You can be a patriot and do the right thing.Or you can be a terrorist-supporting SUV driver and keep supplying your gas dollars to the terrorist source of Saudi Arabia - where al-Qaeda gets more than 90 percent of their funding or volunteers. (See I am a terrorist!)

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

NAACP Outraged!!!!

Does anyone else see the irony in the fact that the NAACP is outraged over the death of the prisoner in Prince George's County?

First of all, the guy that was arrested was arrested for killing a police officer. If there's one crime that will get you in trouble, it's killing a police officer. You can rape a 6 year old girl, chop up her body and put it in a hole behind your double-wide and you may get life in prison. But you kill a police officer and you're going to get a beat-down and the death penalty, though the death penalty is usually applied years later, not hours later.

Corporal Richard Finley, who will be buried on Thursday, was killed when he was struck by the stolen pick-up truck being driven by Ronnie White. Ronnie White was arrested and was being detained in a prison cell. White was found dead hours later. The medical examiner's report said he died of asphyxiation and strangulation.

Okay, maybe White's civil rights were violated. The NAACP should probably stand up for that reason. We should give more respect to cop-killers. However, WHERE was the NAACP when Zach Sowers was brutally beaten and murdered by the 3 thugs in Baltimore City? Is the NAACP only outraged when black people are murdered? Do they shed no tears when white people are murdered? They are certainly are silent when it comes to white deaths. To me, this bleeds of racism.

And to top it off, the family attorney for White said today, "The family of Ronnie White is absolutely, unequivocally outraged, incensed and deeply saddened that the life of their loved one could be taken so cold[ly], so callously," attorney Bobby Henry told reporters Tuesday. "Something is dreadfully wrong with the system."

The system is broken? So it's okay to kill a cop, but the death of Ronnie is wrong, taken so coldly and callously. As opposed to when Ronnie aimed his vehicle at Officer Finley, ran into him, and killed him. That death was warm and fuzzy, contemplated and planned, with regard to his life, but ultimately opposing the observation of any kind of law. Perhaps if there were stricter gun laws and stricter laws agaisnt stealing cars, this would not have happened.

The Prince George's County Police Department is now accused of being uncooperative and officers are not talking to investigators. So I ask myself, if I worked for Prince George's County Police Department, would I say anything? Hell no!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Civil War In Maryland

I love history, but must admit that most of my history reading has been concentrated on the Revolutionary War and World War II. I have only read a handful of books about the Civil War, including The Civil War in Maryland by Daniel Carroll Toomey, Killer Angels, the historical novel by Michael Shaara, The Personal Memoirs of U.S. Grant, and Never Call Retreat, the historical fiction by Newt Gingrich.

And I think I have a unique perspective on the Civil War. I live in Maryland, which some consider the South (yeah, whatever!), while others consider it the North. I consider it the mid-Atlantic. Maryland was occupied by the Union during the Civil War, at least Baltimore and Washington, D.C. were. I went to college in South Carolina. And let me tell you, the Civil War is not over for many of them. And it is not called the Civil War (what's so civil about war, anyway?). They commonly refer to it as the War of Northern Aggression. And the war was not about slavery. It was about states' rights. Okay, if that's what you want to believe. It's a moot point because Robert E. Lee surrendered to Grant, the United States won the war, and freed the slaves (at least in theory). This is why Republican President Abraham Lincoln is often considered one of the best Presidents ever. Yes, a Republican freed the slaves. Not a Democrat. The Democrats fought viciously to maintain slavery. Funny how that is, isn't it?

On Friday my wife informed me that there was going to be a Civil War Encampment reenactment in Westminster, Maryland. Maryland only saw one major batter during the Civil War - Antietam. There were, however, several skirmishes. And Maryland saw both the Union and the Confederacy columns rolling through prior to and after the Battle of Gettysburg. Many of these Confederate columns ran right through Carroll County. One of those columns was led by Major General J.E.B. Stuart of the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia.

When General Stuart's column got to Westminster, he came under fire from a Delaware regiment led by Captain Charles Corbit. Stuart's column had about 5,000 soldiers. Corbit's regiment had about 90. The skirmish lasted about 2 hours and ran through the streets of downtown historical Westminster. Obviously, Corbit was outnumbered and eventually defeated.

Some have said that because Corbit held up the column for 2 hours, the Confederates were exhausted from the fighting and decided to rest a day before heading the rest of the way up to Gettysburg (about a 20 minute drive north of Westminster). This prevented them from being engaged in the first day of the battle. Had Stuart been there when the battle started, the Confederates may have been able to push the union off of Cemetery Ridge and defeated them, thus possibly ending the Civil War early and on their terms. Fortunately, fate fell into the Union's hands that day in June, 1863.

By the way, these pictures were taken in Sepia on my Nikon D40x. Do you like?

June Goal

So my goal was to lose 10 pounds by the end of June. I started the month at 174. Yesterday morning I weighed in at 165.5. I lost 8.5 pounds. So I scored an 85% on my test. Not too bad. That's a solid B in public school and a B- in private school. I will be on vacation starting on Friday, so I'm not sure how much I can honestly lose in July. I think I'll keep my goal reasonable and make it 162 pounds. At 165.8 pounds this morning, that means I need to lose nearly 4 pounds in July. I think I can handle that.

And for those of you who are wondering what magical diet I am on, it's called the eat less and exercise more diet. And don't snack at night diet. It actually works. No pills. No crazy contraptions that I need to purchase online. Try it sometime, fatty!
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