Tuesday, February 03, 2015

January 2015 - A Month in Review

Now that your hangover is over, let's start cataloging 2015.

January started off quiet and rainy.  Then soon thereafter we learned of the death of famed ESPN sports anchor Stuart Scott after a long battle with cancer.  He was only 49 years old.  Not sure if he coined these phrases, but he sure made them famous:  Boo-yah!!!  Cooler than the other side of the pillow.  You ain't gotta go home, but you gotta get outta here!

Here is Hannah Storm's heart-wrenching announcement of Scott's death.

Another lesser known sports-guy died on the same day - former Baltimore Orioles' general manager Hank Peters passed away at age 90.  Peters was the manager of the Orioles from 1975 through 1987, winning GM of the Year twice.

ABC debuted the 2015 season of The Bachelor.  If you're not aware, this is the show where one dude gets to have sex with a gaggle of sluts, one at a time, and America watches hypnotized wonder.

In a crazy sort of way, The Baltimore Sun announced that incoming governor Larry Hogan is their Marylander of the Year.  This is after they didn't endorse him and said he wasn't right for Maryland.  Fortunately for The Sun, Anthony Brown didn't win, because he's from New York, so it would have been really awkward to give a Marylander of the Year award to to a New Yorker.

Instead of heeding to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell who stated that no existing teams will move to Los Angeles, St. Louis Rams owner Stan Kroenke is continuing with plans to morph his team into a modern-era Raiders and move the Rams back to L.A.  He is currently looking at a site to build a new stadium.  If you ask me, I think they ought to move the Rams back to Cleveland.  Heck, let's also move the Cardinals back to Chicago, the Jets back to Dallas, the Ravens back to Cleveland, and the Colts back to Baltimore.  Who's with me?

In Paris, uneducated backwards radical Muslim terrorists invaded the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo and massacred 12 people including the cartoonists responsible for making fun of Muslims being uneducated backwards radical Muslim terrorists.  The Muslim terrorists declared that if they kill all of the infidels responsible for lampooning Muslims as uneducated backwards radical Muslim terrorists, then no one will call them uneducated backwards radical Muslim terrorists.

In Frederick County, Councilmember Kirby Delauter threatened to sue people for using his name without permission.  Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter.

The NFL, always grabbing for more money and attention, got a lot of it after the AFC Championship game when it was discovered that the balls provided by New England were under-inflated, supposedly giving quarterback prima donna Tom Brady an advantage by improving his ability to grib his balls better when he tosses them.  The scandal immediately became known as #DeflateGate, in honor of the 1970's Watergate scandal.  After a week of over-the-top innuendo, double entendre, and spoofing by the formerly funny Saturday Night Live, Patriots owner Robert Kraft gave a press conference and excoriated the press and the fans and demanded an apology from the NFL.  I just looked up my handy-dandy dictionary and yes, Mr. Kraft qualifies as an example of a Jucking Ferk.

A  measles outbreak occurred in Disneyland, the place where children smile, except when their idiot parents don't get them vaccinated because they believe in myths about vaccines causing other issues.  Thank you for jeopardizing my child's health because of your misinformed beliefs.

Ernie Banks, the legendary Chicago Cub, also known as Mr. Cub, passed away in January.  He was 83.

Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz passed away.  He was the leader of the county that was home to the terrorists who orchestrated and enacted the 9/11 attacks on the United States, but also the leader of the country with the largest deposit of oil in the world, thus making him our friend.

Former New York Governor Mario Cuomo also passed away.  He was a two-time candidate for President, both in 1988 and 1992.  His worst lifetime gaff was saying that he thought his son Andrew Cuomo would be a good candidate for president.  Blahahahaha!!!

Oil prices plummeted in January, from over $100 per barrel to about $40 per barrel.  This means that gas prices will properly reflect this in about 10 months.

ISIS continued to show the world how Islam is the religion of peace.  They did this by beheading more prisoners and posting the grotesque videos on the Internet.  I hearken back to a memory of a redneck-sounding politician who said, "They oughta make the damn Middle East a big sheet of glass."  I don't know where that came from.

Winter Storm Juno hit the upper Midwest and Northeast and was the largest snow storm of the year.  Seriously, when did we start naming snow storms?  I think cold front O'Malley just went through yesterday followed by Obama flurries and the Joe Biden low pressure system.

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