Saturday, January 03, 2015

October - A Month in Review

The Baltimore Orioles headed back to the playoffs.  Despite finishing the season with the 2nd best record in MBL, the Detroit Tigers were the favorite to win the series.  After the underdog Orioles swept the Detroit Tigers in 3 games, they learned they will play the Kansas City Royals who returned to the playoffs for the first time in 29 years.

Joe Biden continued the United States' contemporary tradition of apologizing for everything.  We apologized for the atomic bomb, slavery, Bryan Adams, who is Canadian.  This time Biden apologized to the Arab states for suggesting that they helping ISIS in their radical campaign to rid the world of infidels.

Rumors continue to circulate about North Korean President Kim Jung Un who has not been seen for over a month.  The lunacy from above the 38th parallel seems to have subsided a bit.  If he is not seen in another couple of weeks, the Chinese government has stated that they will hire Scooby-Doo and friends to see if they can determine who's hiding under the mask.

Barack Obama, the Prince of Oops (his Vice President Joe Biden is clearly the King of Oops) mistakenly called Washington, D.C. a state.  Okay, I get that Obama is not actually the one posting on Twitter.  So why do high-profile people let idiots continue to post for them?

The NBA signed an $8 gagillion contract with ABC\ESPN\TNT this week.  If this contract were a state, it would be larger than Delaware.  Under the new deal, the contract will run until LeBron James is 107, when it's expected that he'll return to the Cleveland Cavaliers again after winning 3 more NBA titles with the Jacksonville Celtics.

The NFL fined 49er's quarterback $10,000 for wearing the wrong kind of headphones during warm-up.  Yes, the NFL has that much power.  Isn't it ironic that the NFL also has an anti-bullying campaign?

Maryland Governor and 2016 Presidential candidate Martin O'Malley, trying to differentiate himself from Hillary Clinton, declared that Wi-Fi is a human right.  If I understand this correctly, prisoners deserve Wi-Fi, yet unborn babies do not deserve the right to be born.

Celebrity deaths starting pouring in in late October.  SNL legend Jan Hooks died in October after a secret battle with cancer.

Fashion mogul Oscar de la Renta passed away at the age of 82.  The maker of high-end men's fashions and suits will reportedly be buried in flip-flops and a track suit.

A report surfaced that NBC wanted to hire Jon Stewart as the host of Meet the Press, thus confirming speculation that they were converting the show from a valid talk show with a panel of guests to discuss current events to a comedy show where they make up stuff and poke fun at Republicans.

Elola continues to be the big news in Dallas.  The CDC has reassured the public that Ebola can only be contracted when an infected patient with full-blown symptoms vomits into another person's mouth or when a person baths a a cocktail of the infected patient's bodily fluids.  Unfortunately, it appears as if 2 healthcare workers in Dallas did just that.  Or the CDC is lying.

Jack Bruce, the bassist for the band Cream, passed away.  He was 71.

HP, formerly known as Hewitt-Packard, finished cornering the market on unicorn blood and thus decided to spin-off the highly profitable printing business into a separate company.  Currently, the price of Cyan unicorn blood goes for $25,000 per ounce.

The White House security perimeter was breached for the third time in several months when a man from Harford County Maryland scaled the fence and jumped onto the lawn.  As everyone knows, the White House is a place where common people are not allowed.  The average tax-paying citizen will be savagely beaten and prosecuted for trying to get on the grounds of this sacred area.

The San Francisco Giants bought the World Series in October, this being their 3 purchase in 5 years.  

Elizabeth Norment of Netflix' House of Cards, passed away, she was 61 years old.  She portrayed the secretary to the conniving Frank Underwood and his weasily assistant Doug Stamper.

No comments:

Who links to my website?
Add to Technorati Favorites Add to Technorati Favorites Add to Technorati Favorites