Saturday, January 03, 2015

August - A Month in Review

ISIS continued its war in Iraq taking over town after town.  President Obama remained stumped as to why the terrorists waited until after all of the U.S. troops left Iraq, a date of the withdrawal which he globally announced several years earlier.

The great metropolis of Ferguson, Missouri made the news in August when an officer shot multiple times and killed an unarmed man who allegedly has his arms raised in defense.  To protest this horrendous act, the great townsfolk of rioted and looted their own city and made national news.  Nothing says we hate police brutality by plundering our own towns.

The White House announced that President Obama was going to make an announcement about sending in troops.  Pundits immediately began wondering if he was sending troops to Iraq or Missouri.

The Dead Poet's Society gained another member in August with the passing of comedian Robin Williams.  Often considered a comedic genius, Williams suffered from depression that led him to take his life. The entire international AP press wire came to a screaching halt with the news.  To hell with the war between Palestine and Israel. Robin Williams died! Nah-noo-nah-noo.

Not a day passed after Robin Williams' death and Lauren Becall died.  Her connection to Humphrey Bogart was immortalized in Bertie Higgin's song Key Largo.  The sultry actress' most famous quote was probably, "You know how to whistle, don't you?  Just put your lips together and blow."

Major League Baseball made a major announcement in August when they announced Commissioner Bud Selig's successor.  Bug Selig, as you will all remember, was the owner of the Milwaukee Brewers, a conflict of interest the MLB refused to recognize.  The new commissioner will be Rob Manfred, the owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, whose claim to fame is TV blackouts to baseball fans who fail to subscribe to the correct cable channels.  It's been rumored that he hates young baseball fans and wants nationwide blackouts in as many markets as possible.

You know the old saying, 'Never bring a knife to a gunfight'.  At pop star singer Chris Brown's house, the policy is, 'bring yo' guns to the knife party'.  In Brown's latest trouble, some party-goers brought guns and opened fire on people.  As they say, 'just another day at Chris Brown's house.'

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge swept Instagram and Facebook.  Millions of people recorded themselves dumping water on their heads and challenging others to do so, or donate money.  Sadly, the overwhelming majority chose to dump the water than to provide the funds needed to help with research for this debilitating disease.

In France, the extremely unpopular Socialist President Francois Hollande dissolved the government, demanding a government more friendly to his radical ideas.  It is expected that the new government will be a 2 pound soft ripened Brie cheese wheel.

China issued a stern warning to the United State in August.  "Stop spying on us!" was the warning.  After hours of stomach-wretching laughter, the official response to China was, "Yeah, yeah, okay.  No problem."

In Oklahoma, a team of medical examiners performed an arduous autoposy on a death row prisoner after his execution and determined that the prisoner died of the lethal injection that he was given.  There's money well-spent.

Justin Bieber was arrested again. Is that really news?

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