Surprise - Snow!!!

Last night the weather people said that we would most likely wake up to some icy streets. If there was snow it would be farther out west.

I woke up this morning at 6:50am to the sound of a shovel scraping against the pavement. I quickly sprang to my feet, threw open the sash, and show a fat little man and eight tiny reindeer. Oops, wrong story. I awoke and peeked behind the honeycomb blinds and looked out the double-paned Anderson windows and saw that it had snowed.

I went downstairs and looked out the front door and saw that we got about 2 inches of snow and ice. So we live way out west? And they say that we may get more of the same tonight. Icy streets or more snow?

One of my friends posted on Facebook "Where did all this snow come from?" My retort? "the sky!"

If I did my job as accurately as the weathermen, (or is it weather people?), I would have been fired a long time ago.

Abandoned Lot in Eldersburg?

I had heard that a diner was going to be built on the corner of Route 32 and Route 26. Was it a Double-T Diner? I thought it was, but cannot find anything on the Internet about it. And that lot has been sitting for a while and it is an eye-sore. It has a 7 or 8 foot chain-linked fence surrounding it. The owners need to do something about this. This may look okay in Randalstown, but this is unacceptable in Eldersburg.

So then I went to the Maryland Property Database. I found the address for Exxon since it is the next lot and it was 1305 Liberty Road. So then on the database I find that there is no 1307 Liberty Road, but the next one is 1309. It is owned by Liberty Bell Properties, care of Linda Sawczyn of Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

Doing a Google search of her I find that she donated $2300 to John Edward's Presidential campaign in 2008. I'm not sure if this was before or after he admitted he was having an affair while his wife while she was battling cancer. But I do know that this was during the time that he was busy suing doctors in North Carolina. He's saving the people while eliminated their doctors and driving up health care costs.

Unfortunately, that's all that I can find of her. I'm not sure if she's the owner of that plot of land, but I'll dig more and find out. If you know something more I'd love to hear!

Who's Reading Vote No'Malley?

I just checked my statistics on Sitemeter.com and someone reached my blog today from Iran by using the search terms "Girls with big boobs". How funny is that?

I get a lot of hits from Washington, D.C. Hi, Mr. President! Are you learning anything?

And from Mount Vista, California. Google - are you spying on me?

Unfortunately I am NOT getting any hits from Annapolis. You'd think O'Malley would be reading a blog with his name on it every day!!! Then again, you'd think O'Malley would do a lot of things and he's just not doing them.

Mt. Airy - Closed on Monday

I decided to use the remainder of my vacation this week and not carry-over the maximum of 5 days into next year. Instead I decided that I would use the time to chase naked women at the adult dance clubs and drink heavily. But then at the last minute I changed my mind and thought it might be a little better for the image if I spend some time with my kids.

I asked my son what he wanted to do and he said go fishing. Since it was 28° and the pond is frozen, I nixed that idea. He then said that whatever we did it couldn't be going to visit another President's house because those are stupid.

My daughter said that she wanted to go to Famous Dave's restaurant and go bowling. I asked my son if he wanted to go with us. He said yes at first. Then he asked if he didn't go to lunch would we come home and get him to go bowling. I said that we would come home go get him and he quickly declined the Famous Dave's part. You need to understand that my son hates meat. He won't declare himself a vegetarian (I don't even think by law he can legally call himself a vegetarian at age 7). He does like chicken nuggets and will occasionally eat fish. He's more of a convenientarian.

My daughter and I left for Famous Dave's. I was salivating the whole way there thinking about eating those marinated pig parts. As we read the menu my daughter asked, "You know what's better than ribs?" "Nothing!" I proudly declared. "Wrong!" she quickly retorted. "More ribs!" Well, okay then!

After we ordered, we were looking around and I commented that our waitress is very pretty, but she'd be even prettier if she smiled now and then. My daughter then said, "I wouldn't smile if I worked here either. You'd be tortured by having to serve all that food and you can't have any." Oh, that apple didn't fall far.

Once we finished our meal we headed back home to pick up my son. Then it was off to Mt. Airy to go bowling. If you are not familiar with Mt. Airy, it's one of those old towns with a Main Street and an interesting historical downtown section that is accompanied by a bypass lined with townhouses and developments. Most people drive on by and don't see what is really interesting.

Mt. Airy Bowling sits on this side street that one would mistake for an alley. Much like the ones where politicians like Martin O'Malley convince their opponents to drop out of races for vague and unsubstantiated reasons.

Driving to the end of this alley-like road I felt a bump and suddenly like we were flying in the Millennium Falcon and the stars blurred and stretched out before us. And in an instant we were in a small town in the late 1950's - and there was the bowling alley.

Anchored by a rusty Coke sign sat the bowling alley. Clad with painted cinder-block walls, this was a vestige to Opie Taylor, Ward Cleaver, and Dennis Mitchell. Inside, it was not quite the 1950's that I would have expected from the outside. Instead, it's late 80's decor. Gone is the Pac-Man machine, but there are the upright video game consoles, smelly bowling shoes, and grumpy employees who hate all things bowling.

We finished our game of duckpin bowling. My son didn't like it too much. If he doesn't crush his opponents then the game is stupid. When we turned in our shoes and paid (they did not accept credit cards), I asked if there were any ice cream places around (even though it was about 32° at this point). The owner looks out over the lanes and scratches his whiskers, then tilts his CAT Diesel hat to the left and says, "Now that I think about it, there isn't a ice cream place in this town." I embellish a little. He was finely dressed, polite, friendly, and wore a polo shirt.

We decided that despite its lack of an ice cream parlor, we would roam the block of downtown historic Mt. Airy. And to my surprise, most of Mt. Airy is closed on Monday. Say what?

So it was back to the car and head for home. Despite the spare time, visiting downtown was a strike. But bowling in Mt. Airy was fun.

Qdoba to Eldersburg

Good news from Eldersburg.net. I cross-verified this in the Baltimore Business Journal. Qdoba is opening a new store in Eldersburg. It will occupying the old Hollywood Video store that's next to the Papa John's on Liberty Road.

I think this is fantastic news. I really like Qdoba. It's no Chipotle, but Qdoba is a good second choice.


Also in the restaurant news, the A&W \ KFC will no longer offer the A&W portion. It will now be a stand-alone KFC. This is a shame because I really like their burgers. But then again I can't remember the last time I went there to get one. The problem with the A&W \ KFC in Eldersburg is that you wait in line for 15 minutes to order, then you stand there and wait another 20 minutes to pick it up. And one time they even told me they had no chicken. Are you kidding me? KFC has no chicken? That's be like the Maryland General Assembly not having any crooked politicians.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to list all of the new stores and restaurants that are coming to the Carrolltown Center, also known as the Dumpster Mall.

The new stores are:

*
*
*

That's right. Nothing. Black Oak Associates has been busy doing a lot of nothing. But then again, we're kind of used to that.

Separated at Birth?

Is it just me, or does the Socialist President of the United States look like DIY Yard Crashers host Ahmed Hassan? Ironically, one of them goes around making things better while the other one goes around making things worse.

Senators Cardin & Mikulski Hate Colleges

We are supposed to be curbing urban sprawl, right? And we have a lot of colleges in the Baltimore \ Washington area, right? Then why did Senator Cardin and Senator Mikulski seek $1 million for a new training center in Mount Airy that will train health care workers and dental hygienists?

After bragging about the her accomplishments in Warshington to help all Merlanders, Senator Mikulski said that the facility will be shared by the community colleges of Howard, Frederick, and Carroll Counties. I'm not attacking the allocation of money to this institutes of a little bit higher learning. However, I question what kind of facility can be built for $1 million. Seriously - houses in my neighborhood go for $500,000, so that would equate to 2 houses. They are going to construct a 5,000 ft facility with 4 parking spots to help train people? Senator Mikulski - is it near the wooder?

Would it not be better money spent to allocate the money to the existing colleges to expand their existing programs at their existing campuses that already do this very same function? Or does that make too much sense? Does Ben get a great thrill out of seeing money burn? I know Cardin and Mikulski need to show off spending money for Maryland. It's better to waste money than to get no money in the eyes of these 2 shallow tax and spend liberal extremist politicians. And we know that these 2 Senators are not good with money after supporting the $200 quadrillion health care plan.

So while Senators Cardin and Mikulski pontificate about being green and saving the environment on even numbered days, be wary of the odd numbered days as these are the ones that are the most destructive.

Cardin & Mikulski - Harry Reid's Lap Dogs

We all know that Senators Ben Cardin and Barbara Mikulski are tow-the-line tax and spend liberals that salivate at the mere mention of any socialist programs. Mention tax increases for the rich and middle class and Cardin gets that kid in a candy store grin. Mention increasing the size of the federal government and Mikulski starts jumping up and down doing the YMCA.

If you haven't heard already, Nebraska Democrat Senator Ben Nelson basically extorted millions of dollars from Americans not living in Nebraska. Americans will now have to foot the bill for expanding Medicare coverage in Nebraska, Nebraska-based Mutual of Omaha, won't have to pay taxes on so-called Medigap insurance, and I think some hookers from Harry Reid's home state of Nevada were thrown in for good measure.

In Louisiana, well-known home of corrupt local politics, Democrat Senator Mary Landreau secured a $300 million bump in Louisiana's Medicaid funding.

What sweetheart deals did Senator Cardin and Senator Mikulski secure for Maryland? Nothing. The only thing we can be sure of is that Maryland, home of a lot of middle class Americans, will get socked with huge tax increases that will be needed when Obamacare's dubious savings never appear.

Instead of rallying for our state, they romped around Harry Reid's podium like a couple of Pomeranians in heat sitting, speaking, rolling over, and basically wagging their tails to his every command. Unlike Nebraska and Louisiana whose Senators held out for their booty, our Senators were the first to sit on Harry Reid's lap.

Nebraska - win. Louisiana - win. Maryland - lose.

John Sarbanes Supports Corruption in Baltimore City

You know the rule - silence is an implicit endorsement. I Googled the Internet expecting to find Representative John Sarbanes' criticism or rebuke of Sheila Dixon and her pending embezzling charge. I found nothing. I gave him a couple of weeks. And now what do I find? Nothing.

John Sarbanes, who was elected on his daddy's tails, should be concerned about her corrupt behavior. After all his illegally drawn gerrymandered district goes right through Baltimore City. But, alas, he remains silent. A silent endorsment of corruption? Probably not. A tolerant acceptance of corruption? I cannot think of any other reason.

Representative Sarbanes - I would love to hear why you have been silent without giving us the rhetoric of "wanting the legal process to take its course."

Congressional map from nationalatlas.gov

Carrolltown Mall Update - December 2009

I know you've all been dying to see what's new and exciting at Carrolltown Mall since that big renovation started. However, I am sad to inform you that we've been duped.

Fortunately there is some good news. You may recall that the mall had leased space to a beat-up storage trailer. Well, they've upgraded to 2 new shiny pods. So if you need storage space, please contact Pack Rat at 1-800-Pack-Rat.


Speaking of rats, we all heard that the Flagshit (oops, Flagship) Cinema, the only movie theater in the South Carroll (Eldersburg \ Sykesville area) closed. I decided to capture a picture if it before it collapses from neglect.


Remember the dead trees in the parking lot next to Hemlock Drive across from the Eldersburg Library that I complained about recently? Well they finally cut them down. Unfortunately, in typcal Black Oak Associates-style, they only paid them enough money to cut them down, not haul away the wood. So in an effort to save money, I suspect Dixon Harvey requested that the tree company strew the dead branches all over the parking lot. Oh, and leave the stumps. That way the thousands of people that visit the mall each day will have a nature-like place to sit.



Remember the liquor store that was in the Carrolltown Mall? That space is now empty, like 90% of the mall. However, if you look across the street, you will see the new liquor store. And next door to the liquor store is a new pharmacy. Now Eldersburgers can conveniently get their liquor and drugs at one stop.

Sykesville Wants More Money - Bring On the Speed Cameras

Sykesville Police Chief John Williams Jr.indicated that he wants more booty, so he will sock it to the people of South Carroll through the use of speed cameras. He said it will be in the name of safety for children, which is a euphemism for "I want more booty".

The law that allows for speed cameras was recently passed by the nearly socialist-leaning Maryland legislature. The law requires speed studies and if the site qualifies, they may be installed within a 1/2 mile radius. Fortunately for the money-hungry power mongers in Sykesville, almost the entire town is within a 1/2 mile of a school.

Unfortunately, only 10% of the speed camera fine of $40 goes toward local public safety. The article indicates that the remainder goes to the state, but I challenge that. If I am not mistaken the company that operates the cameras (Lockeed ?) gets most of the money. What is left is spent on rave parties in the House of Delegates and gas-guzzling SUV's for our state senators.

Fortunately for our elected officials, most people are too stupid to understand what is going on or do not care enough to read the papers to find out. And since no one reads the local free papers they probably also don't know that a Bit of Tuscany's in Westminster has live Jazz on Sundays from 4-7 all through December.

Air Jamaica and the Congress Hate Marylanders

After reading and hearing this story on the news yesterday, I'm not sure who hates people from Maryland more - Air Jamaica or our U.S. Senators Ben Cardin & Babs Mikulksi.

Yesterday passengers were stranded on an Air Jamaica flight on the runway at BWI airport for more than 8 hours because of the heavy snow. In an effort to keep up communications with passengers, the pilots told them nothing. The plane got stuck on the runway. Multiple efforts to help the plane were unsuccessful. When the plane was finally able to return to the terminal, the passengers were punched in the face and given a coupon for a sandwich at Subway. No food or beverages were provided on the plane. And no hotel accommodations were provided when the flight was canceled. Thank you for flying Air Jamaica!

In similar news, it appears that the U.S. Senate, which includes Ben Cardin and Babs Mikulski, will pass the socialized healthcare plan that they keep telling us that we all want. Now we will be forced to wait in hospital lobbies for 8 hours with no food or beverages. Communication with the patients will be prohibited (though I think that's currently the law). When we enter the room doctors will be required by law to punch us in the face and give us a coupon for a free sandwich at Subway. Fortunatley, however, someone else will pay for it. Probably wealthy Americans that make over $50,000 per year. Small businesses will probably also be punished and hit with a healthcare plan tax.

Welcome to the modern age of customer service.

White Death

The panic has set in. Fortunately all 2 real news shows in Baltimore will have live 24 hour coverage to inform us of each 1/16 on an inch of accumulation from various locations throughout the metro area.

I woke up in a panic this morning not knowing what some stranger would be thinking walking along a major road at 6:30 a.m. Fortunately, WBAL was there to interview that guy.

And did you know that some parking lot in the city has 4 inches of snow? Had they not informed me of that fact I may have suddenly grown concerned later in the day. How much snow is in that parking lot in the city? Oh, no! Which channel will tell me?

Don't you hate being that person who legitimately needs to go grocery shopping close to the time when it starts snowing? My family needed milk - we drink about 2 gallons per week. After all there are 5 people in my family. My wife left for the grocery store at 9am - just after the 2 oldest kids got on the bus to head to the government-mandated institute of indoctrination. She arrived at Martin's in Eldersburg to find that there were zero parking spots. Zero. None. Nada. What the hell?

Safeway is the next (pardon the pun) safe destination. No one shops at Safeway since they have a delusional pricing system. Seriously. I've seen an ad that said: Coke 12 packs 3 for $12, save $5.99 each! Does the management's office in Safeway have a lot of glass mirrors on the desk?

Anyway - there were no parking spaces at Safeway either. So it was off to Shoppers Food Warehouse. My wife said that there were nearly 10 times as many people in the SFW parking lot than normal. Nearly 15 cars! She saved the day. We got the milk. I suggested to her that if SFW was too crowded to do our grocery shopping at the Exxon Quick Mart.

And what's the deal with snow and toilet paper? Do people poop more when it snows? Which reminds me....I need to go to he little library. I'll be back soon. Have fun in the snow!

Christmas List

I have received dozens of emails from my readers wanting to know what I wanted for Christmas. Not wanting to disappoint my following, here is my list:

Makita 12" Dual Slide Laser Guided Compound Miter Saw
Samsung 52" LCD HD TV
1977 Ferrari 308 GTB (red or black) with t-tops
Delta Machinery Drill Press
Jet 3HP Table Router
Magnum PI Season 6
Jet 9" x 20" Belt Drive Bench Lathe
Mission Style Oak TV Lift Cabinet
ZZ Top Key Chain
Nikkor 18-200 mm VR lens
Men's Brown Leather Rampant Boots
Brooks Brothers Traditional Fit Pinpoint Forward Dress Shirt
Subscription to Preservation Magazine
Dean Backwoods 6 string Banjo
Subscription to Cheese of the Month
Apple MacBook Pro
Delta 28-206 14 WC Band Saw
Black market bag of Pepper Jack Doritos
Martin O'Malley's resignation from office
Case of Tilburg Brown Ale
Bosch Evolution 800 Dishwasher

If you have any trouble finding any of these great gifts, please feel free to leave a comment and I will guide you in the right direction. And as always, thank you for thinking of me this holiday season!

Sweet Pea 3, MP3

Check out this toy for young kids. It's the Sweet Pea 3, an MP3 player. It's durable, large and easy to handle, and holds up to 700 songs. At $59, it's reasonable when compared to an iPod and it appears to be much more durable. And best of all, the Sweet Pea Toy Company is a toy sold by a small business, not sold by Wal-Mart or Big Toy Company from China. My wife ordered one for our daughter.

Rep Murtha Sick, Me, too

Pennsylvania Congressman John Murtha was hospitalized on Monday complaining of abdominal pains. I suspect the Congressman is sick to his stomach after the Senate proposed a $1.1 TRILLION spending budget.

Congressman Murtha is known for being implicated with his connection to Paul Magliocchetti, a powerful Washington lobbyist who closed his firm after being raided by the FBI for being connected to the Jack Abramoff scandal. Magliocchetti was a connected protégé of Congressman Murtha.

However, Murtha is best known for hating the people of Western Pennsylvania. He basically said that the people of Western Pennsylvania were racist, Bible reading, gun-toters.

The Christian-hating Congressman Murtha said to the Pittsburgh Post in 2008 that "...there's no question, western Pennsylvania is a racist area. "

Congressman Murtha, I hope you get well, but you still make me sick.

New Martin O'Malley Sex Scandal !!!

To the best of my knowledge - Martin O'Malley was not involved in a new sex scandal during the year of 2009. But it sure makes for a great headline, doesn't it?

Sykesville Fire Dept. Breakfast With Santa

The Sykesville Freedom District Volunteer Fire Department is holding their annual Breakfast With Santa.

Breakfast is $6 for adults, $3 for children 3-12 years old, and children under 3 are free.

There is a $5 fee for getting your picture taken with Santa, which also applies if you use your camera. However, all proceeds go to the fire department.

Support your local fire department and bring the kids for some all-you-can-eat breakfast. Need I say more?

Carrolltown Center - Dixon Harvey & Smelly Rhetoric

Black Oak President Dixon Harvey must be practicing to be a politician because he's so full of smelly poop.

In an article posted Sunday in the Carroll Eagle and cross-posted on The Sun, Harvey commented about the closing of the Flagship Cinema by stating that they are in the early stages of planning a new theater.

Early stages? If anyone understands rhetoric, 'early stages' means that he thought of it on the spot when asked about a replacement. The thought being in his head. I seriously doubt there's anything on paper. If there is - Mr. Harvey, I challenge you to share that with the community.

I'm in the early stages of planning my vacation in 2025. I'm in the early stages of buying presents for my grandchildren. I'm in the early stages of planning my move to South Carolina.

The Flagship Cinema in Eldersburg was closed on November 30th amid health concerns with moisture. I guess I should hope that K-Mart and the rest of Carrolltown Center Mall needs to close because of health concerns. Every time I go in there it makes me sick. And the condition of the mall and the stores it offers the citizens of Eldersburg makes us all sick.

O'Malley Saves the Day for Small Businesses

Despite his hatred of private companies, Martin O'Malley has proposed a $3,000 tax credit for small businesses that hire unemployed people. This is his plan for putting Marylanders back to work.

He mentioned that the state will spend $20 million for this program. When asked where that money will come from (since tax revenues are dropping faster than bodies in East Baltimore), O'Malley's voice got soft and fatherly and he then mumbled something incoherent.

Insiders have informed me that the tax credit for small business will be paid for by a new tax on small businesses. O'Malley's logic, they say, is that if they are going to reap the benefits, they should also pay for it.

Unfortunately, as there are now only 16 small businesses left in Maryland, the impact of the new tax credit will probably be as small as O'Malley's popularity in Carroll County.

Ravens Fan Cruise

Here's an opportunity that any Ravens fan will love. AAA and Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines are offering a cruise in July 2010 that will feature some of the Ravens' players. Included are Le'Ron McClain, Jared Gaither, and former Ravens Jonathan Ogden and Michael McCrary.

Several other Ravens were invited, but won't be able to attend. They include:

Mark Clayton - he let the opportunity slip through his fingers
Ed Reed - right before he was supposed to get on board he lateraled his boarding pass and lost possession of it.
Joe Flacco - he agreed to attend, but they docked the cruise ship in the end-zone and he had no idea where that was.
Steve Hauschka - was enthusiastic, but boarded the ship that was three feet to the left of the Ravens ship
Dominique Foxworth - also wanted to go, but refused to get within 10 feet of the boat and it left without him.
Anita Marks (radio and tv show host) - refused to board the ship unless the Ravens signed Brandon Marshall
Terrell Suggs - invited, but he was later rejected for having too much baggage.
Mike Preston (Baltimore Sun sports writer) - after severely criticizing the color and length of the cruise ship, the number of guests on board, and the intended course of the ship, he found a bag of donuts and stayed home.
ESPN - refused to believe the Ravens would actually make it to the cruise ship
Kyle Boller - he sucked so they refused to extend his contract and he was picked up by St. Louis as a back-up quarterback. Oh, wait, that really did happen.
NFL Referees - they refused to go because they hate the Ravens and threw pass-interference flags anytime a player got within 3 feet of the boat.

Thanks to my circle of friends for their input into this list. I did not come up with all of these on my own.

Happy Trails, Holly Trolly

In what appears to be punishment for her embarrassing guilty verdict for stealing from poor children, the Baltimore Housing Department, <-insert sarcasm-> which has absolutely no influence from the mayor <-end sarcasm-> decided to end the program. Officially, however, the decision to cancel the program was not at all influenced by the criminal-minded embezzling mayor.

In an official statement, Andrew B. Frank, the First Deputy Mayor, not to be confused with the Second or Third Deputy Mayor, stated that the program no longer fits the goals of the city's Community Action Centers. Unofficially those goals of the centers include providing a conduit for the mayor to embezzle money, so when that conduit is cut off, the program no longer serves its purpose.

Now City Hall has to deal with the back-lash and public relations disaster that is Sheila Dixon. Do not be surprised if a "new" program is unveiled next year that will "more effectively meet the needs of the city and its residents as they continue moving forward to do the business of the city".

The new program will include lots of shovels and boots.

Someone tell me again why Keiffer Mitchell wasn't elected? Oh, yes, his campaign's self-implosion. Hey Baltimore - are you happy now?

Baltimore Christmas Parade

If you are not busy on Sunday, December 6th, come down to Baltimore for the Mayor's Annual Christmas Parade.

Mayor Sheila Dixon, who was recently found guilty of embezzlement, will lead the parade through the Baltimore neighborhoods of Hampden and Medfield. Also included in the parade will be the Baltimore Marching Ravens, Harley Davidson motorcycles, the Boumi Temple performers, floats, and high school marching bands.

Rumor is that Sheila Dixon will be collecting gift cards for poor children.

Make sure you let Mayor Dixon what you think of her!!!

Eldersburg's Only Theater Closes

In an effort to keep Eldersburg as ghetto as possible, Carrolltown Mall owner Black Oak Associates has decided to close the theater.

The closing is officially due to concerns about health and safety in the building. In an article in the Carroll County Times, patrons complained about water leaking from the ceiling while rows within the theater were roped off or blocked with cones.

I was hoping that Black Oak would let the roof collapse and we could have an outdoor theater. How many open roof theaters are there in the area? I think none!

Additionally, just like the other crumbling buildings in the Carrolltown Center, Black Oak Associates President Dixon Harvey said he has no immediate plans to repair the derelict building and it will remain closed. I love it when my friends come to visit me and they comment about having a ghetto mall in such a nice area of Carroll County. Dixon - can I give them your number every time I get that comment?

No word on the rat problem at the theater either. Perhaps if no one talks about it then it doesn't exist.

UPDATE
Two of the dead trees that face the Eldersburg Library were taken down. Fortunately they didn't remove the stumps and most of the limbs and sticks are still strewn across the parking lot. I would hate to think that Black Oak would spend money and actually hire professionals to do the job. They came through for us and I think they hired the weasels from Who Framed Roger Rabbit to do the tree work.

Sheila Dixon Hates Poor Children

What do you call a woman who steals from poor children and buys herself electronics equipment at Best Buy? You would call her Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon!

After what seemed like months of deliberation, the jury of peers found Sheila Dixon guilty of a misdemeanor charge of embezzling about $500 worth of gift cards intended for distribution to poor children. However, she was not found guilty of the more serious charges.

However, she was convicted of a more serious crime that should seal her future if it weren't for the fact that she is the Mayor of Baltimore. She's the mayor and she gets to reap the spoils of her office, right? She has lost faith in many middle class educated families who live in the city and supported her.

One must ask - if she was willing to steal gift cards for poor and needy children, then what else has she done or what else would she do if given the opportunity? Will she rob convenience stores? Or better yet the local orphanages? Is she capable of kicking puppies? You must seriously ask yourself these questions now. Can we trust her?

I mean, owning an Xbox and a camcorder is more important than providing for those poor bastard children roaming the streets of our city, right? The parents of those children would hock the items for cash and buy drugs anyway, right? So it makes sense for her to use those for herself. In the words of Maria Antoinette, to all those elementary school drop-outs - let them eat cake! And I don't care if Antoinette never really uttered those words.

Yesterday morning Martin O'Malley was seen in the city unloading mirrors and smoke from a small van on a side street and later stated at a press conference that it was a sad day for the people of Baltimore, but we must focus on the tasks at hand and move the city forward. And for the record, if you've ever been to Marty O'Malley's Facebook page, his favorite hobby is moving Maryland forward, which is such a totally innocuous statement that means nothing, but the blind mice that he is leading in our state love the rhetoric. I did not see, however, any television reports in his Friends List. And he does not play Mafia Wars, which is a huge disappointment. I should send him a friend request then send him multiple requests to join my mafia and entice him with free loot. Together we can complete the Cuba level!

The sad part of this whole episode is that Mayor Dixon may not lose her job. She could get PBJ, and I don't mean a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, though I'm sure she's capable of stealing one of those from Cafe' Hon. She could get probation before judgement and not be formally convicted, thus allowing her keep her elected position. However, if things go her way, which I suspect they will, she will get to stay.

As The Sun has pointed out, the Maryland Constitution calls for the removal of an elected official for a misdemeanor if:

• The person is convicted
• The crime is related to public duties and responsibilities
• The crime involves "moral turpitude" (violation of standards of behaviour)

I think Sheila Dixon successfully covered those. But, alas, she is the mayor of a city of shame and destruction who thinks she is awesome.

Don't get too excited, Stephanie Rawlings Blake. I see the glimmer in your eye. If Dixon stays in office, you'll have to wait a bit longer to become mayor yourself and start your path of destruction.