Lopsided Logic

O'Malley Death Sentence
Martin O'Malley endorsed child molesters who rape 6 year-old girls and then hack them to pieces today when he said that he would support a ban on the death penalty. This goes hand-in-hand with his unrestricted support of the abortion, the act that kills unborn children. This illogical argument is one that he vehemently supports. An anonymous spokesman said that according to O'Malley, society can do without all of these unwanted & unborn children, but he has a special place in his heart for murders. Others find it ironic that a person who attended Catholic University can have such hatred for God's children, but show such respect for criminals.

And putting his best foot forward, Martin O'Malley got to attend the State of the Union address on Wednesday. We got to see him at the beginning looking more pissed off than a Republican living in Baltimore City. Later, while Bush was speaking, O'Malley and Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa were caught snoozing. Awesome. And did you catch Madame Pelosi with her hyperactive blinking? A posting on broadcastingcable.com said, "Pelosi also spent some time chewing on something besides blinking like a banshee. "


Dogfights
The greatest show ever made is on the History Channel. It is Dogfights and is a compilation of interviews, actual footage and computer animated recreations of actual dogfights in history. Tonight's episode is "Dogfights of the Middle East" featuring F-15's, MiG-21's, MiG-17's, and French Mirage III jet fighters. It is absolutely phenomenal. Other episodes have been the Battle of Britian, the War in the Pacific, a dogfight over Korea, and one in Viet-Nam. Check it out.



Dook Sucks
Duke basketball, which is currently ranked 10th, which is totally unacceptable to Mr. Whiney Pants, (whose real name is Mike Krzyzsydfsdufiski), showed why they are the best cheaters in the league. While playing Clemson on Thursday, Clemson tied the game with 1.8 seconds left. Coach K then threatened to show his hip replacement scars to the referees if they didn't put 3 more seconds on the clock. The intimidated ref's obliged and Duke was able to in-bound the ball and get a lay-up to win the game. The Atlantic Coast Conference Coordinator of Basketball Officials, John Clougherty, acknowledged that they let Duke intimidate them and get away with cheating. Duke had no comment.

I suspect that they had no comment because they university is still reeling from condemning the actions of 3 Duke lacrosse players who were charged with the rape of Crystal Gail Magnum and perused by the nefarious District Attorney, Michael Nifong. The problem is when DNA samples were taken from this stripper who was previous convicted of drug use, there were at least 3 different male semen DNA available, none of which matched the 3 Duke lacrosse players. Nifong is now being reprimanded by the North Carolina Bar Association for engaging in conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, deceit, or misrepresentation. In addition to ethics violations, he is accused of violating 4 rules of professional conduct. In other words, a real classy guy.

Sheila Dixon
Sheila Dixon, mayor-default until the election kicks her out of office, showed today what she plans on doing to make the city better. Ignoring the fact that there have been 23 murders in 25 days, Dixon said her highest priority is picking up trash. She plans to go on a tour with Baltimore's finest and empty garbage cans like the best of them.

Meanwhile, while Dixon was busy doing photo-ops, 17 people were shot, 72 were robbed, 6 people were car-jacked, and 7 businesses decided to move from the city to the county. Once her trash collection problems are under control, she plans to move on to some tougher issues like painting fire hydrants and chasing homeless people out of the water fountain at Light and Pratt Street.

Baltimore - Get It On! Or is it Get On With It? Or was it Believe? Who the hell knows?!!


Joke of the Day

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for Martin O'Malley, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."