Half-Week in Review

O'Malley on Grasmick

Martin O'Malley, always eager to destroy reputations and demonstrate what a peckerhead he is, was asked about what was going to happen to Nancy Grasmick. Nancy Grasmick, as you may know, is the State Schools Superintendent and has another year left on her contract. O'Malley responded to the question with, "I would like to have a secretary of education that I trust and can work with, and someday we will," O'Malley said when asked about Grasmick at a news conference yesterday. "In the meantime, we'll make progress." Let's face it. O'Malley is still pissed off that Grasmick called him out when it came to the quality of education in Baltimore City. She said the city school system sucks and he's in charge and should be responsible. He said that people shouldn't belittle the accomplishments of the hard working people and should recognize the accomplishments that everyone has made. Translation - Don't make me look bad because you'll end up in obscurity like Sade Berderinwa and now that I've rewritten the city school statistics, it looks like more kids are actually graduating.

Busting the Illegals

Much to the chagrin of local illegal Hispanic leaders, the Immigrations & Customs Enforcement (ICE) agency rounded up 24 illegal immigrants at a 7-11 on Broadway when they asked the ICE officials if they had any work they could do. Local reporters tried to ask some Hispanics that were at the scene what they thought of the activity. All refused to give their name and country of origin and ran for the nearest exit.

Homogeneity is a Crime

Carroll County was recently decried for not being diverse. Most people that live there are college educated middle class white people without criminal records. Home prices in Carroll County are also generally 20% more than in other surrounding counties. Perhaps these idiots fled to these areas seeking homogeneity. Little did these people know that this is a crime in Maryland. You can't be arrested for it, but you can be labeled as a racist and have your property taxes raised 100%. Everyone knows that you must desire to live with people with differing interests, educations, arrest records, and religious beliefs. This is what makes for an interesting society. Just ask all of the diverse people of Baltimore City how wonderful it is living there.

Obama's School Was Not That Radical

Barack Saddam Hussein Osama Obama was recently criticized for attending a Muslim school in Indonesia. Why any American would be concerned about a presidential candidate attending a Muslim school in Indonesia is beyond me (at least that's what Oprah said). When asked about the teachings of the school, an anonymous source indicated that the practices were not that radical. In fact, the school does not endorse suicide bombings against Americans conducted by women and children. Additionally, this school's interpretation of Jihad is get Muslims to run for Congress in the United States and take over the country in an elected fashion.

Driving Distractions

We all do it. We use cell phones when we drive. We drink sodas and tea. We fiddle with our CD's and our satellite radio devices. We look at maps. Some of us shave with electric razors. Ladies - I've seen more than one of you applying mascara while going 70. I've even witnessed a woman breastfeeding in I-795. Now that's multitasking to the extreme!

If Norman R. Stone Jr, an elected Democratic idiot representing Baltimore County's 6th District, gets his way, not only will it be illegal to use your cell phone, it will be illegal to do anything that can randomly and subjectively be considered distracting. This means you can't change your pants, you watch your portable DVD player, you can't read a book. Heck, this may even mean that you're not allowed to turn around and look at your kids or wife. My wife can be distracting sometimes. Is she no longer going to be allowed in the car? What do you do about school buses? Are middle school bus drivers no longer going to be allowed to drive home middle schoolers? If I seem to recall correctly, middle schoolers tend to be slightly knuckle-headed. What's worse - hot sexy women won't be allowed to drive naked anymore. I've heard the urban legends, never seen it, but I'm sure it's true.

Kerry's Out

John Kerry announced today that his exploratory committee has decided that it would not be in his best interests at this time to run for President in 2008. An inside source indicated that Hillary Clinton roadhouse kicked everyone on the committee and threatened to do the same to JFK. After 15 minutes of sobbing, begging and pleading, Queen Hillary granted him peace and agreed to not kick his donkey if he agreed to drop out of the race. She then submitted a nonbinding bill to the Senate requesting that no other Senators kick his donkey either. The only nay vote was from Barbara Mikulski, who we think enjoys kicking his ankles.

Spanking

In California, the state that believes the government can help your lives by regulating all of your actions for you, Sally Lieber introduced a bill to ban spanking, punishable by a $1000 fine and a year in prison. If this law was in effect in 1978, I think my dad would still be in prison. Speaking of prison, will they make room for spankers by letting more murderers out?

Star Wars Flaws

This is for fun. Now that my 4 year old has seen all of the movies (I watched them with him), I am now refreshed of all of the Star Wars sequence of events. Plus my son is totally obsessed with the movies and makes any long object a lightsabre which begins to whack things around the house.

In Return of the Jedi, Luke asks Leah if she remembered her mother. She said that she does a little and remembers that she was very beautiful. This is when Luke reveals that he is her brother. However, in Revenge of the Sith, Padme dies while giving birth to Leah and Luke.

In A New Hope, R2D2 and C3PO go on a search on Tatooine looking for Obi Wan Kenobi. Once he is found, Luke informs them that he found data on R2 indicating that he is the property of someone named Obi Wan. Obi Wan then says that he doesn't remember ever owning any droids. Hello! Did you not spend about 20 years with the 2 of them during the clone wars in Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith? I would think that as soon as he saw them, he'd be like, "C3PO, R2D2! How the hell are you?!!!"

At the end of Revenge of the Sith, the newly formed Darth Vader is brought to the bridge of the ship and shown out the window at the construction of the Death Star. Twenty years pass (Luke was just born, then in A New Hope he is about 20) and the Death Star is finally functional. The rebels blow it up. Then 7 years later, a new Death Star is nearing completion and is fully operational. Was it a matter of now that you've built one Death Star, knocking out another shouldn't take much time at all???

And why did Obi-Wan decide to hide Luke on Tatooine? Anakin grew up on Tatooine. Do you think that now that he's Darth Vader, he won't think to look on that planet for his relatives?

In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke goes to Dagobah to learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master. However, after a few minutes, Yoda gets frustrated with Luke and tells Obi-Wan's spirit that Luke will not be a Jedi. Luke's not ready. He's too old. Did Yoda all of a sudden forget that Luke was intentionally hidden at birth so that he could grow up and be a Jedi and save the universe?

In the Empire Strikes Back, Luke has a vision that his friends are in trouble and he must leave Yoda at the planet of Dagobah. Obi-Wan's spirit speaks to Yoda and says that Luke is their last hope. Yoda, in an mystic voice, replies, "There is another." No crap! We saw you take the 2 twins from Padme at the end of Revenge of the Sith, so we know that there are 2. Obi-Wan said he'd take Luke and Bail Organa (Jimmy Smits) agreed to take Leah to Alderaan. We didn't know this in the out-of-sequence of the movies, but now that they are done through the first 3 books, it seems kind of silly that Obi-Wan forgot about Leah.

Football Moron of the Day