Thursday, January 11, 2007

Liar Liar


You may remember that Martin O'Malley berated Bob Ehrlich constantly during the debates for governor about not fully funding Thorton, the plan to improve the state's schools. Ehrlich only funded the mandatory components. O'Malley promised to fully fund all components. Not even being in office yet, O'Malley has promised to break one of his promises. He will not fully fund Thorton and there ain't nuthin' (I mean nuthin'!) you can do about it. O'Malley is counting on Marylanders bad memories when he runs for office again in 2010.

In a related story, director Tom Shadyac has asked O'Malley if he would star in the sequel to the 1997 hit, Liar Liar. It is expected that O'Malley would replace Jim Carrey as Fletcher Role. This would not be Martin O'Malley's first attempt at acting. He was cast for the role of Lloyd Christmas, another Jim Carrey character, for the sequel to Dumb and Dumber. Unfortunately for our new supreme leader of Maryland, director Peter Farrelly said that he didn't actually want the actor to be stupid, just the character in the movie.

Get In On That

Baltimore, always on the move to break records, has seen 15 murders in 10 days. Through the first 9 days of the year, there were 9 murders. We took to the streets of Baltimore to see if city school students could extrapolate that to estimate the crime rate for an entire year. We even gave them a hint that a year has 365 days. Most answers were, "like a million or something?".

Sadly, a Baltimore City Police officer was one of the victims. He was shot and killed after work by a punk who had been arrested 17 times. And this doesn't include his juvenile record. Baltimore Police Colonel Fred Bealefeld was on television explaining that Brandon Grimes, the killer, was arrested and put in jail for over 4 days and had his gun taken away from him. He then was arrested 2 weeks later with another gun. This gun was confiscated and he was put in jail for an additional 8 days. Police cannot fathom how the killer got another gun, let alone how he did not learn his lesson that killing people is not nice.


With all of this unexplainable crime in Baltimore City, the public school system has decided to institute a new curriculum. Some of the new classes that will be offered in school are:

Drive-By's - the Art of Duck and Cover
Stop Snitchin' - Homemade DVD's Made Easy
Economics of Converting kilos into Dime Bags
Proper Body Armor
A special class sponsored by Fodor's - Baltimore on 3 Bullets a Day
Retirement Planning - Who The Hell Lives That Long?
A Special one day class - the History of Great Baltimore Mayors.

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