Tuesday, November 13, 2012

NASCAR - Laughable Crime & Punishment

Even if you're not a NASCAR fan, you can still appreciate this post for ridiculousness.

As you can imagine, NASCAR is full of tightly wired egotistical type-A jackasses who cannot control their temper.  Sounds like a Maryland politician, right?  And they all have nicknames.  Some nicknames from the past - Fireball, Super Tex, and The King.  To help you learn some of the nicknames of the current drivers, I have included them as middle names.

In racing, guys are constantly banging into each other jockeying for position.  This wouldn't be so bad except for when they're going nearly 200 mph.  The results of pushing a guy a little bit can cause him to go airborne or get shoved into the wall.  This is a potentially fatal result.  Debris can fly into the crowd and seriously injure spectators.  But we all must admit that a good accident is also very exciting.

At the race in Phoenix, AZ this weekend, Clint "Jackass" Bowyer pushed Jeff "Jackass" Gordon into the wall.  The race officials did not throw a yellow flag. That's a problem.  Jeff, not being able to control his temper, went after Bowyer and when he caught up to him intentionally shoved him into the wall simultaneously taking out Brad "Jackass" Keseloweski.  Also involved in the race track scuffle was Joey "Jackass" Logano. 

What's even better is that the crew for these teams then got into a fight  in the garage area.  No, not a fight, an all-out brawl.  Clint Bowyer was filmed running for about a quarter-mile to get to the fight cuz he didn't want to miss a good-ole-boy beat-down, only to be detained by NASCAR officials and police when he got to the truck.

Bowyer eloquently responded to the incident by saying, ''It makes us all look like a bunch of retards..."  Way to go, Bowyer.  Nice Pat Healy impression.

I didn't see this quote, but you know someone said, "That damn som-beach got another thing comin' and I'm gonna kick he's ass!"
NASCAR wasted no time dealing out punishment.  Jeff Gordon was fined $100,000 and docked 25 points that were inconsequential because he's out of the running for the championship anyway.  He was also put on probation for the remainder of the season, which is one more race.  Several crew chiefs were fined $25,000 and also put on probation for the remainder of the season.

After the punishments were levied, the outcry began.  How can NASCAR be so lenient?  Obviously, officials are loudly shouting, "We WILL tolerate this kind of behavior because it boosts television ratings.  We like fights and intentional car wrecks at the expense of our drivers' safety!"

Fortunately, NASCAR did take a step back on Tuesday morning with a 2nd round of punishments.  Jeff Gordon will be forced to wear a pink feather boa at the next race in Miami.  Additionally, RuPaul will spank Gordon with wet spaghetti noodles for an entire minute.

Clint Bowyer will be forced to do 8 hours of community service at Jo-Ann's Fabrics, provide a lecture to the Sunflower County Mississippi Women's Book Club about the proper way to behave on a race track, and appear as a special guest in an upcoming episode of Say Yes to the Dress.

Hopefully this 2nd round of serious punishments will make a positive impression on the drivers.  They need to learn their lesson that they must behave like gentlemen from now on.

And for the record, Kevin "Jackass" Harvick won the race.

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