Monday, March 26, 2012

United States Post Office - No More Mailboxes

I got word from a close source that the United States Postal Service notified local zoning and planning officials that neighborhoods will no longer allowed to have individual mail boxes. All new residential dwellings in a neighborhood setting will be required to have the ubiquitous gang box where residents must walk 1/2 a mile to fetch their junk mail.

This ruling does not just apply to townhouse and condominium communities. It will apply to all communities. Building a large 5,000 sq ft house on 2 acres in a neighborhood? You get a gang box.

The Postal Service claims that it will help them reduce costs as it will centralize the distribution of our epistles, bills, Netflix DVDs, and adult magazines. The drivers will not be required to circle the neighborhood sliding mail into everyone's own personal mailbox greeting visitors at the head of their long driveways.

This will impact the mason industry, many of whom build the fancy brick and stone monoliths that are immune to mailbox baseball, though less immune to women drivers backing up out of the driveway. Also impacted will be the industry producing the over-priced vinyl mailboxes that get the black moldy spots over time.

What do you think of this decision? Are you ready for those awkward conversations with the helicopter parents and nosey retired people that you prefer to avoid?

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