Memorial Day Weekend

What an eventful weekend this we just had. From politics to sports back to politics.

Lacrosse

First, on Saturday, Duke defeated #1 Cornell in the semi-finals of the NCAA Lacrosse Championship at M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore. Earlier in the day, Johns Hopkins University, who's known for producing doctors and lacrosse players, defeated the University of Delaware, who's not known for producing doctors nor lacrosse players.

The Blue Devils and the Blue Jays met on Monday for the championship. Hopkins led 10-4 at one point, only to face an impressive run by Duke. Hopkins managed to hold them off and win 12-11.

After the game, Duke, who had their season cancelled last year during a pending criminal investigation, dedicated their victories to Durham District Attorney Michael Nifong, who continued to press rape charges against 3 of their players from the previous year knowing that there was no evidence to support the charges, but knew it would help his reelection.

Duke dedicated an earlier victory to Crystal Magnum, the crack-whore prostitute who made up the charges against three of the Duke players, but then realized that she was just trippin.

There was also a shout-out thanks to the left-wing liberal faculty at Duke who wanted to castrate the entire team for their culture of misogynistic violence, despite no evidence to support their claim. The faculty later claimed that they were utilizing their first amendment rights to slander young men.

Where's O'Malley?

Despite being berated by Johnsonville Brats advertising to the contrary, Memorial Day is supposed to be a day to remember our fallen soldiers. VFW troops and MIA/POW groups take this opportunity to hold parades and ceremonies to remember their brethren. Dulaney Valley Memorial Gardens holds a special ceremony each year and flags are placed at the grave stones of soldiers and heroes. Each year, this event is attended by dignitaries and politicians to show their respect. Maryland Governors have attended year in and year out. This weekend, former Governor Bob Ehrlich paid his respects to these fine young men and women. Martin O'Malley, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found. We think he was honoring Memorial Day by firing up some Johnsonville Brats on his new tax-payer funded Fire Magic Regal I gourmet grill.

Cool Hand Lohan

Lindsey Lohan gave everyone a good laugh this weekend when she did her best impression of Britney Spears gone wild and Robert Downey Jr's heroin induced downfall. Lohan, who will probably be rooming with fellow party-girl Paris Hilton at the Beverly Hills Spa and Rehab, may not be able to do the daytime show circuit to advertise her new movie, I Know Who Killed Me. I suspect that the movie will reveal that she did it to herself.

In recent interviews, Lohan is excited to tell us that she is doing her first nude scene hoping that will vault her into the Oscar category. I'm just excited that I'll be able to see the needle tracks up her arm. Lohan, who has performed kid-friendly movies such as Herbie: Fully Loaded, the Parent Trap, and Freaky Friday, has now suffered the fate of the V-Chip block from many families. Good luck with that new movie, Lindsay.