On this date in history...

On this date in the future, the following events will happen.

2012 - the Orioles win their first game after losing 277 straight games, which spanned over three seasons. Season attendance averages 12.

2017 - Hilton Hotels goes out of business after heir Paris Hilton takes over and has all hotels painted pink and requires all locations be renamed with "Hot" as the prefix, though the Hot Hilton at South Beach does surprisingly well.

2021 - filming of Rocky XXXVII is suspended after Sylvester Stallone leaves the set to play bingo at the Sunny Hills Retirement Home.

2028 - the first person not named Bush or Clinton will take office after the Chelsea Clinton scandal. She was forced to resign after leaving a profanity laden message on Secretary of State Alec Baldwin's voicemail. Former presidents George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, and Jeb Bush all condemned this occurrence as it violated the Voicemail Message Act of 2010. Vice-President Apple Paltrow will be sworn as soon as the United Nations approves a French citizen can rule the United States.

2033 - the United Nations suspects that Fidel Castro is no longer ruling Cuba after video surfaced of him giving a speech where marionette wires can be seen moving his arms and head.

2037 - 73 year old Barry Bonds retires from baseball after hitting 2,743 home runs. He claims that he was having a hard time finding new places to inject steroids.

2079 - MS-AOL-Google-soft buys the last remaining publicly traded technology company for $8 quadrillion. The T. Rowe Price Sci-tech fund now has one holding.

2172 - Republicans are allowed to return to the state of Maryland after a 150 year ban that was effected when Governor Peter Franchot signed the Democrat Safety and Security Act.

2344 - The United Cloned Nations council dissolves all foreign governments as all leaders are now basically ruled by the same person - the clone of Martin O'Malley.