O'Malley The Protectorate

On the Environment

On April 20th, while gathered with 200 of his closest environmental malefactors, drove 50 miles in their gas-guzzling Chevy Suburbans, then trampled several hundred yards over fragile wetland terrain to capture the perfect photo-opportunity. There, he signed the Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative (RGGI), making Maryland an official member of the group of states devoted to stopping global warming.

O'Malley, ever the godfather of all that is good, said that this measure if for the children. He hopes that with this new law, our children will still be able to see crabs or orioles, though he made no mention of being able to eat them.

However, quite unlike his normal press conferences, this one lacked the invective that he is required to unleash on former Governor Ehrlich. He could have said something enlightening like, "Finally, Maryland can start moving forward again on the environment. Our children finally have reason to be hopeful."

In a related story, after hearing about the bill signing, the Reverend Al Sharpton demanded that anyone who ever listened to Don Imus be fired from their job and be arrested.

On the Economy

In another O'Malley story, he joined Baltimore County Socialist, Jim Smith, in fighting that dubious pandemic known as economic growth. LNG, a gas distribution company, threatened to spend $400 million dollars for the facility and an extra $250 for the pipeline and create several years worth of jobs and create a liquid gas distribution facility in the grotesque and polluted Dundalk area. In addition to that, the company has the audacity to state that this project will create 50 permanent positions.

O'Malley stuck to his chief principle that "a citizenry in need is a Democrat indeed". If people keep getting jobs and start saving money, they'll start getting taxed, then they will take an interest in government and seek to elect representatives that truly represent their interests. This Democrat-defying logic would be harmful to the General Assembly and Martin O'Malley.

One of the concerns posed, in addition to threatening the local welfare system, was the fact that the facility could become a terrorist threat. To save Baltimore from the terrorist threat, O'Mally has joined forces with Jim Smith to rid the area of jobs and companies that could become terrorist targets. To the contrary, local terrorist Mahummad Oborski said, "why the hell would we choose Baltimore as a target? Do you think bringing unemployment and urban blight to a screeching halt is one of the promises of the Jihad? Get a life!"