Peter Pan

People say that I talk about a lot of inappropriate things on my blog. To confirm this statement I'm going to talk about going to the bathroom today.

Now, I cannot comment on the ladies since I am not one, so you may have to fill in your stories. I bet they are just as funny. So this is only about the guys.

It seems that every guy has his own style for using the urinal. Many of them are quite comical. Here they are:

1) Paranoid Paul - he doesn't want you to know what he's got or ain't got. He's the guy looking over his shoulder making sure you're not looking at him. He's leaning as far forward into the urinal as you can without making contact with the porcelain. If you stand next to him he'll turn his body slightly so that his shoulder is blocking your view because he knows you're trying to get a peek.

2) Long John Silver - this is the guy that's proud of his pencil. And he can do some really interesting tricks - like urinating from 3 feet away from the urinal. Most likely he's trying to avoid the back-splash, but in reality he's the guy making the mess on the floor when the flow slows down.

3) Peter Pan - for real - this guy is in my office. First - he whips it out. After aiming it, he places his hands on his hips, cocks his shoulders back, and fires away. I don't know about you, but when I wash the car and turn on the hose it tends to whip all over the place. It's always better to have a firm grasp on it before you turn it on.

4) Chatty Charlie - "Hey. How's it going? How was your weekend?" This is the ONLY way to make a urine stream come to a complete and embarrassing halt. I do not want to talk to you while standing in the upright position. Wait until we get to the sink to wash our hands to engage me in conversation.

5) Inappropriate Joe - this is a real guy and I'm not even going to change his name. He really is Joe, but he no longer works here. After peeking over the modesty wall he shouts (not to me, thank the Lord), while there are others in the room, "Whoa! There's something I didn't need to see today!" If you didn't need to see it, then why the F did you look???

So, though you may think this list inappropriate conversation, you do know these guys. Hopefully you are not one of them.