Back To Work

I have some catching up to do. On Friday of last week I had an appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Frankenstein (and it's not pronounced Frahnk'-in-steen). This was a follow-up to my surgery and I fully expected him to remove the stitches.

I arrived at the doctor's office on time and was greeted with great hostility and irreverence. The nurse was wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey. She's lucky I don't file a complaint with the medical board.

She took back to the examining room and told me the doctor would be right in, which he was. He instructed me to drop my britches and lay down. I had an operation when I was 12 and I recall the stitch removal was not a pleasant process. So I braced myself this time. I grabbed hold of the elastic band around my sweatshirt and pulled it over my head. I'm not sure exactly the details because I had my eyes closed at this point, but I think Dr. Frank then pulled out the Garden Weasel and used that to remove my stitches. Ahhhhhh!!!!

He asked what I do for a living. I tell him that I'm the President of the Maryland Republican Party. "Ha!", he laughs. "The Maryland Republican Party is dead. There's no such position." I laughed and told him I was kidding and that, in fact, I operated the computer that controls the hot beef injector over at American Amalgamated Conglomerates of America in the au jus department. "Ah", he says. "You can go back to work right away. Just don't lift anything over 10 pounds." To be sure not to damage myself, I am being extra precautionary and not lifting anything over 4 ounces, which includes my finger.

Fortunately we had off to celebrate Martin Luther King's Birthday on Monday giving me an extra day to recuperate. I celebrated by lounging all day on the couch and releasing nauseous gases.

On Tuesday I returned to work. "Feeling better?" "Take it easy." "Don't over do it." "How was the recovery?" Shut the hell up! My supervisor celebrated my return by giving me 3 more projects, 2 of which were due last week, but given the extenuating circumstances they extended the deadlines to the day before my return.

Additionally, I received an award yesterday. I was recognized for my performance last quarter when we were developing the new flux capacitor. We actually figured out how to power it with corporate rhetoric. "Work smarter, not harder." "We need to continue to streamline operations to make the organization more efficient." "Learn to multi-task utilizing your core competencies." And there's the high octane "Think outside of the box." Well, don't put my chair and computer in a box and I might be able to think outside of the box.

Recovery continues to go well. I am shuffling along now at the speed of a 60 year old on Viagra, rather than an 80 year old on morphine. Pain and discomfort still settle in the groin area and occasionally it feels as if rubberbands are wrapped around joy stick, which isn't too pleasant. I'm happy to report that there's new growth in the jungle, mostly underbrush and weeds. I wonder if the forest itches like hell when new plants start growing after a fire.