A Day At the MVA

On the third day of my vacation I decided to take a day trip to the MVA (Motor Vehicle Administration) to renew my driver's license. My other day trips took all day and I expected nothing less from the MVA. And they did not disappoint.

I tried to renew my driver's license online. I entered all of my personal information and submitted my credit card information, which they promptly charged. However, I received a letter a few weeks later that said that my picture was corrupted and I needed to visit a conveniently located facility to do this in-person, but I would not be charged. I think they meant 'not charged again' because I already paid. But this is the MVA that we're talking about. I called and tried to convince them that my picture was not, in fact, corrupted. That is really what I look like. She insisted that I come in.

My wife told me to go to the Westminster MVA because no one knows about it and you can get in and out in a few minutes. As I pulled into the parking lot and couldn't find a parking spot, I knew that I was in trouble. Even the handicapped spots were taken. I would have expected the elderly to have already taken care of their business when they arrived at 7am.

I walked into the building and it was packed. There is a Information Desk line about 6 feet from the door to handle the 50 or so people waiting to find out where to stand. This 6 foot line constructively handled the people in line, especially when the guests got creative and practically were standing on top of each other. Can you say claustrophobia and invasion of personal space? I don't need to smell your deodorant (or lack thereof).

A lady came up to me and asked why I as there. "To get a beer and a hooker", I reply. She handed me a ticket that said that I arrived at 1:25 and my number was 187 and she pointed me in the right direction. I look into the area where she was pointing and there were about 60 seats with about 100 people in them. Plus the people standing, most of which were illegal aliens stopping by to get their free driver's license because Maryland does not require illegal aliens to show proof of citizenship since we are a sanctuary state. We (Martin O'Malley) love our illegal immigrants who come to steal jobs from Americans. But think of the bright side, illegal immigrants generally vote Democratic in the general election, so it makes sense.

I find A seat. I look up at the counter and they are on number 128. Awesome! Only 65 to go! To make matters worse, I'm there with my 6 year old son and nothing to do. I figured that after about 10 minutes I could calculate the number of people served and determine how long I will be there. After 10 minutes, I calculate that I'll be there an hour and a half. There are 5 administrators helping people at their respective windows. However, after 15 minutes, one shuts down and goes to lunch. Arg!!!

As the clock slowly ticks past, I begin watching the light from the skylight creep across the floor. It starts near the counter. Slowly it moves toward me. It's square shape transforms to a trapezoid as it traverses the linoleum floor. I watch it cross line after line. I look up at the counter. We're on 140. OMG, I'm going to die here.

I decide to start being nosy and listen to everyone else's conversation. Unfortunately for my entertainment, English is my primary language and I know a little bit of German. The people around are speaking neither. I know I hear Spanish. I also hear some Ebonics and some Japanese. The girl next to me jokingly told her boyfriend that he was a stupid mother-fucker. It was a good thing she said this loud enough for the entire waiting room to hear this. We actually thought he was a welder. Glad she corrected that.

My son is super restless. He's climbing all over me. He can't sit still. He wants to get out of this place. So do I. "Can't we just leave and go fishing." For once I would prefer to go fishing.

An hour has passed. We're now up to 160. Yippie! We're flying now! I speak too soon. The really fat administrator, not to be confused with the somewhat fat administrator, decides that she needs a refill on her 72 oz Gordo Big Gulp and shuts down. Now there are only 3 administrators handling the 100 or so people and illegal aliens waiting.

I glance around the room. All seats are taken. The walls are lined with people. I see what appears to be a 25 year old illegal alien standing. He's wearing a "Daddy's Little Angel" t-shirt and a "Lesbian Pride" baseball cap. He's definitely not from Eldersburg.

Another 20 minutes pass and El Gordo returns with a full cup of Mountain Dew. She's ready to return to duty. Luckily the next 10 numbers that are called are for people that gave up and left. I hop on the chute and move to the front of the class. I get up there, state my business, get my picture taken, wait 2 minutes for it to process, and BAM!!! I'm out of there. Why did it take everyone else 10 minutes to get their business done? Idiots!

As I walk to the front of the building I see that there are dozens of people standing in line at the Information Desk. The line snakes out the door and the doors are conveniently being held open so to allow that nice cool refreshing air to escape and allow the blustery heat to enter.

Outside the greeter from Wal-Mart is standing on the sidewalk handing out literature for Lyndon LaRouche asking us to encourage LaRouche to run for President again. I ask if he has a Spanish pamphlet. He just smiles and gives me a yellow smiley face sticker. It's time to go home.