Wednesday, September 26, 2007

O'Malley to the Rescue!

If you've been keeping up with the news, then you're quite familiar with O'Malley's daily tax proposal. These tax increases include the following:

1) Increase the sales tax by 20% - this is a regressive tax that will slam the poor and middle class hard. However, since O'Malley is so pretty, he knows that you'll still vote for him in the next election.

2) Increase the cigarette tax. As we know, the working poor live and breathe (literally) on their cigs, hon. Now, instead of choosing between eating lunch or buying a pack of cigs, the poor and unintelligent will get to choose between their evening 40 & Funions and their cigs. Unfortunately for O'Malley's rhetoric, most rich people are also smart and know that smoking is stupid - just like O'Malley.

Ironically, their are ads on the radio narrated by a really obnoxious mommy-liberal advocating for the increase in the cig tax because it will reduce smoking and generate more revenue for health care. How can smoking less generate more revenue when you're not buying as much? Oh, yeah. That dumb Law of Supply and Demand is a farce.

3) O'Malley wants to increase the tax on vehicle registration titles by 20%. Again, this is a regressive tax that will hit the poor and working middle class harder than the rich. Consider this - rich people are more likely to pay cash for their vehicles. Therefore, they will cover the 20% increase up front. However, the poor and hard working families of Maryland are more likely to finance the car, including the vehicle tax, thus subjecting the 20% increase to an even bigger increase once they factor in the interest.

4) We caught glimpses of O'Malley whining in some family's kitchen claiming that these "table talks" will help brainwash the voters and convince them that these taxes are a good thing.

Another tax introduced was a gas tax. Since gas isn't already expensive enough (and much higher in Maryland than in many other states), he thought it would be a great idea to charge more for the gas. And who uses more gas - the rich or the poor? Surprisingly, they use the same!!!

So who is more affected? The working poor families. Now families will struggle to decide if they should fill their car with gas or buy food, medicine, or diapers for their children. This is definitely a regressive tax. How are those rich people fairing so far? Not too bad!

5) Marty also wants to increase the income tax. This tax, he claims, will be progressive. Interesting choice of words. How can taking more money from people imply progress? Anyway, the rich have the ability to hire CPA's who can hide their income. Rich people can incorporate and have the company pay expenses for them. They don't have to take a salary and be subject to the income tax.

Furthermore, if you have a lot of money, that doesn't necessarily mean that you have high income. You can be living off of the dividends and account balances of your fortune. And with higher taxes, what's the incentive for investing their money? We all know that investing money helps to create jobs, but that's counter intuitive to O'Malley's new Socialist world order.

So in the end, hard working 2-income families are the ones that are going to pony-up paying for unnecessary services that help get politicians reelected.

6) The Slippery Leprechaun also wants to restructure the "antiquated" tax structure. Currently, only goods are taxed. He also wants to tap that treasure of services. This will help generated millions more in tax revenue that he can use to force more government programs down our throats or send to the Baltimore City School system so that they can lose it again. (please ignore the studies that show that miserable failing city schools receive more money per student than successful schools in the suburbs)

7) Companies are a pain in the butt in the state of Maryland and O'Malley will help change that. He has a plan to drive them to Delaware. He wants to increase the corporate tax from 7% to 8%, an increase of over 14% in that tax.

These evil companies are making too much money and the government wants its share of it. Disregarding all those millions of people that these companies have on the payrolls, it would be best if the state could get them to leave and we could transition these workers to government payrolls where they could keep a better eye on things.

We all know that the government is much more efficient in running services and companies. Just think about it. They could more easily calculate projected income taxes on their $45,000 calculators while sitting in their $75,000 chairs.

8) I heard that while he was sitting in the garage smoking dope with his naked guy friends, O'Malley came up with a great new idea - let's introduce slots in the state of Maryland!

O'Malley made this announcement the other day as one of his new plans. When WBAL's Scott Wychoff asked him why he opposed slots when he ran against Governor Bob Ehrlich, who was in favor of slots, O'Malley quipped, "That's political history. We're only interested in the future."

O'Malley reportedly then continued removing jars of KY jelly from the shelves of local stores.
One person even stated that he mumbled under his breath, "This is going to hurt the middle class so bad that it'll bring tears to their eyes and they won't be able to sit down for month!!! Moo-Ha-ha-ha!!!"

However, there is always a silver lining in every grey cloud. Unfortuantely for the people of Maryland, this silver lining is the toxic heavy metal called mercury. O'Malley states that he wants to reduce property taxes for the average families. His liberal math, though, is suspicious. The property tax will be reduced for 70% of the people, but it will be increased for the other 65%. This middle class is getting stiffed for this bill and you know it.

People who voted for O'Malley, you're getting what you deserve. Hold on tight to that bed post when you get your next tax statement.

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