O'Malley is on Crack!!!

Evidence is just pouring in. There's no way to deny it. Any rationally thinking person knows it to be true. Maryland Governor, Martin O'Malley is on crack. How else can you explain the litany of events that have occurred in the last several weeks? John Grisham couldn't even come up with this stuff on his own.

Save the Criminals!

O'Malley's first "What the hell" is when he said that we needed to show some individual human dignity to thugs who shoot grandmothers in the head while their grandchildren watch on, because the death penalty is inherently unjust against criminals. O'Malley seems to believe that unwanted babies are disposable, but he sure loves his criminals

Let 'em Vote!

Speaking of criminals, O'Malley is getting ready to sign a bill that will allow convicted felons the right to vote, especially if the want to vote democratic, which most of them do. This pushes the Democrats closer to their dream of a lawless society.

Let 'em Go to School!

Speaking of criminals, Martin O'Malley backs a bill that will allow illegal aliens (these are people that came to this country illegally!), the right to attend Maryland public colleges paying in-state tuition. These are people who do not pay taxes, because they cannot obtain a social security number if they are illegal aliens, in order to pay taxes in the first place. These are people who are criminals that should either be deported or imprisoned.

Everyone Voted, Especially People From Baltimore!

Speaking of criminals, Martin O'Malley and the Maryland General Assembly are against a bill that would create a paper trail for the Diebold voting machines. Why would need a paper trail? No one would break the law and vote twice or use a dead person's name? Surely not the good unemployed people of Baltimore, where Parris Glendening received more votes than there were registered voters.

Good Job, O'Malley

Gonzales Research and Marketing Strategies released a poll today that showed that O'Malley's job approval rate is 52%. Oddly enough, this is about 10 percentage points lower than Bob Ehrlich's approval rating when he left office. So the people that like Ehrlich, but voted for O'Malley, don't actually approve of O'Malley's performance? Here's one of those "you get what you asked for" kind of deals.

Who's Watching My Netflix Movies?

I have been a member of Netflix for about a year now. I think it is a great deal. I subscribe to the $10.49 plan, which allows me to get one movie at a time. By flipping fast I can get 7 to 8 movies per month.

How do I do this? Let's say I get a movie on Monday. I watch it on Monday night. I take it to the post office on Tuesday morning. The Netflix distribution center gets the movie on Wednesday and ships out my next movie. The movie arrives on Thursday. I watch it on Thursday, return it on Friday. Netflix pretends that it doesn't work over the weekend, so they don't get it until Monday morning. I repeat this process each week.

Now, I know that the nearest distribution facility is in Gaithersburg, which is just outside of Washington, DC. I can drive to Gaithersburg in about 45 minutes. However, there are many times where I drop off the movie in the mail, say on a Tuesday, and Netflix claims not to have received it until Friday, sometimes the next Monday.

I suspect one of two things. First, either Netflix is just pretending not to receive my movie, or someone at the post office is double-dipping with my account. I expect the latter. I would love to know how many of my movies are returned with tape across the flap.

This is my formal warning to you deviant postal workers - stop watching my Netflix movies or I'll be forced....to write more taunting blog entries about you.

Taser the Transfat in 80 Days

Tasers

The Taser has come under increased scrutiny after Baltimore County Police used the device on a deranged man who refused to put a baseball bat down. The man ended up dying. And being a good Democrat and coming to the rescue for the common criminal, Delegate Vincent Gardina called for a review of police procedures.

The Taser has been criticized for being deadly, and according to Amnesty International, its use leads "to torture or cruel, inhuman and degradating treatment." Amnesty International lists the Taser as one of the most deadly nonlethal weapons after pepper-spray and political rhetoric.

In its defense, law abiders have argued that instead of using the Tasers, police could use Glock G31's to subdue drunk, irrational, violent aggrevators. However, this has a slightly deadlier result.

I, however, have an alternate solution. People should not argue, shout profanities, and swing baseball bats at the police. What do you think is going to happen when you put them in this situation? Do you think they are going to suddenly realize that you are maintaining your sanity and leave you to settle matters on your own? Anyone who gets tasered should be grateful they didn't get a 357 slug through the sternum.

Transfat

In another local story, Montgomery County Councilmember Duchy Tractenberg (that's a woman), wants to ban the use of trans fat in restaurants. She says that restaurants are responsible for our health and this change in the law will help us become healthier Marylanders.

Americans are becoming overly obese and obesity in elementary school children in risen dramatically. In Baltimore City, elementary school children include children between 4 and 17. Additionally, the use of trans fat may be attributable to the rise in heart disease. However, several studies to link obesity and heart diseases to poor eating habits had inconclusive results. Therefore, according to the Montgomery County councilmember, it is the job of the government to make us healthier.

Recently, the prisoners at Jessup Prison were removed and sent to other facilities. Many suspect that the prison was emptied so that trans fat offenders could be sentenced there to serve hard labor.

I propose that we we ban the use of Tasers in all situations except in the ones that involve the use of trans fat. What better way to cut down on the use of trans fat than to make it illegal and tasering these defiant criminals who are serving this?

Winthrop Gone Like a Freight Train

Winthrop's desired Cinderella run came to an abrupt end in Spokane, Washington today. The Ducks of Oregon defeated them handily, 75-61. Oregon (and is it pronounced Or-e-GON' or Or'e-gen?) figured out what Notre Dame could not - force Winthrop to play an inside game. Winthrop, on the other hand, decided to shut down its shooting and miss most of its shots.

What does this mean for Winthrop? It probably means that Gregg Marshall proved that he can play the big games and will have interviews with Utah and Michigan. Michigan began this off season what any respectable team would do when they won 22 games - they fired Tommy Amaker.

Why did Notre Dame not figure out how to beat Winthrop? Supposedly the Big 10 is a good conference, at least that's what ESPN keeps trying to tell us year after year. But Notre Dame is in Indiana. These people are Midwesterners. These are the people that got kicked out of Ohio and Illinois. This is the same state that gave us Vice President Dan Quayle and porn star Dick Lugar. Oh, wait, my assistant just informed me that Dick Lugar is, in fact, a U.S. Senator. Well, perhaps given the likes of Gary Condit and the Kennedy's, there really isn't much of a difference.

Anyway, the NCAA tournament's Sweet 16 has been determined. This year's Sweet 16 teams give us very little to cheer for. Last year's champion, Florida, will play Butler. Everyone expects Butler to get creamed. And Butler's from Indiana, just like Senatorial porn stars. UNLV will be taking on Oregon. Here's an actual situation where we are the losers. Kansas will be playing Southern Illinois. I'll give Southern Illinois their dues. They are the token directional state college (e.g. Southwest Missouri State, Eastern Michigan, South Florida, etc...). Pittsburgh finally decided to play to the hype. They will be facing UCLA, who many expect will win their 400th NCAA D-I title this year.

The ACC disappointed this year. How many ACC teams made the tournament? 7? How many are left? One? Come on now. You're making it really difficult for me to argue that the ACC is the toughest conference to play in. I would give the Big East and the SEC kudos for second. But when Duke gets their New Jersey drivers' licenses handed to them by VCU, you are really embarrassing your advocates.

So North Carolina will take on the Trojans of Southern California, not to be confused with the Trojans of Representative Gary Condit who represented Southern California. Vanderbilt will be slugging it out against Patrick Ewing and coach John Thompson of Georgetown. You've heard those names before? Yeah, you know you're getting old when their kids are getting the headlines.

The over-hyped Ohio State will be hosting Tennessee. Hopefully, Tennessee can score another 121 points and give black eyes to the Buckeyes. Finally, Memphis, the team with the nation's longest winning streak, will be battling Texas A&M, the team from the state with the longest embarrassment streak. You know what I'm talking about. "Oh, this is Texas' year. Oh, this is Texas A&M's year. Oh, this is Texas Tech's year." We all know the results of that.

So where do I fall? I guess I'll be cheering on North Carolina for 2 reasons. I have to cheer on the ACC, as I am still convinced that they are the toughest conference, regardless of how much Duke sucked this year. And secondly, my wife graduated from UNC, so she's kind of holding that against me.

Fortunately, we a have a few days before the games begin again. Hopefully I can recover from 4 days of drinking all day and get some work down around the house.

Winthrop Moves On.org

Winthrop University, the team from the Big South who went 28-4 during the season and sweeping through their conference with 17 wins and no losses, defeated the highly favored Notre Dame on Friday. Winthrop was rewarded with their #22 ranking and 28 wins with a #11 seed, while Notre Dame was rewarded for their 24 wins in the Big East with a #6 seed.

The game was fairly close throughout the first half. Winthrop then went on a power-run and was up by at least 20 points. With a little dumb Irish luck, Notre Dame was able to close the gap and before Winthrop started lighting them up again to win by 10. Notre Dame was given extra tissues as they cried their eyes out after the game. "But we're from the Big 10" many of them were heard saying. An assistant coach for Notre Dame was over heard saying, "Maybe the Big 10 really does suck!"

Coach Marshall, who has guided Winthrop to their 7th NCAA tournament appearance said, "If that 20-point lead had evaporated and we had lost the game, I was going to be the dumbest coach in America".

Winthrop was led by senior Torrell Martin, who had 20 points and 11 rebounds, and Craig Bradshaw, the senior from New Zealand, who had 24 points. Bradshaw, who's 6'10", towered over the leprechauns from Notre Dame.

Despite the fact that the game was being played in Spokane, Washington, the crowd could hear Regis Philbin, a 1922 graduate of Notre Dame, screaming from his hospital bed in New York after the loss. Even the sponge-bath from Kelly Ripa could not ease his pain.

The Winthrop game was the most predicted upset in the first round of the tournament. However, it is very difficult to figure out why it was so predictable. Was it because the drunk Irish just weren't that good or if it was because Winthrop is that good. No matter, Winthrop moves on to the next round while Notre Dame goes home to drink some green Miller Lite pretending that they really are Irish Catholics.

In other basketball news, Maryland narrowly escaped with a win against Davidson, Boston College proved that Texas Tech and Bobby Knight suck, too, North Carolina handily defeated one of those directional Kentucky teams, and Virginia and Virginia Tech proved that they got seeded much too low. Georgia Tech did disappoint by losing, and Duke fulfilled everyone's dream by losing.

NCAA Tournament Quips

Winthrop University, my favorite, low mid-major, is making its 7th tournament appearance in 9 years. Though never favored to win anything and just happy to be there, Winthrop has improved its reputation after stunning play against #2 seed Tennessee last year. Tennessee managed to pull luck out of their ass with a 3-pointer with virtually no time left to win the game. After finishing this year at 28-4, 17-0 in conference play (including the Big South tournament), expectations are higher.

Winthrop finished the season ranked #22 in the AP Poll, #21 in the USA Today\ESPN Coaches poll. They won their last 18 games. This is the first season Winthrop has ever been ranked. Last season was the first season that they ever received any votes to be ranked.

They played North Carolina hard in November, ahead by 12 at one point, leading by 8 points at half-time. They ended up losing the game by 7. This early lesson for UNC was you better know your opponent or they will kick your donkey.

In another game, they took Wisconsin to overtime, only to lose again. On the bright side, they defeated Old Dominion, which is also in the tournament, and Missouri State, one of the teams whose "bubble" burst on Selection Sunday.

Though many "experts" claim that they had close games with Maryland and Texas A&M, I know this not to be true. I was at Comcast when Winthrop played Maryland and Maryland controlled Winthrop by shutting down their 3-point game. After being ahead by about 20, Maryland put the bench on the court and Winthrop was able to close the gap, making the score look better than it really was. Texas A&M did the same thing.

Before conference play began, Winthrop had an RPI in the low 30's. Once they began conference play, every win against a Big South team resulted in a lowering of their RPI. They were being punished for winning. Moreover, they would have been crushed for losing.

While Winthrop seems to win the cupcakes, they never seem to be able to win the big game, though they play well. The problem for big teams is that they know their time will come. In an interview with USA Today, Winthrop coach Gregg Marshall discussed the difficulties with being a good team in a weak division. Many big name schools hang up on him when he calls to schedule a game. Others agree to play him, but only on their turf. His response to the casual reader is something to the effect of 'What am I to do? Play 9 home games and 20 road games?'. His is good for the wallet, but certainly not fair to the University nor his players. He's forced to play some non-Division I schools just to have some home games.

So how will Winthrop do on Friday against Notre Dame? I predict they will play well, will keep it close, and the game will be determined in the final 10 seconds. My hope is that Notre Dame plays as well as their football team and goes home crying on their sisters' shoulders.

What are the experts saying? Who cares? They're always wrong. They always have the best team winning. Look at any "expert" on CNNSi. They have 3 #1 seeds in the Final Four. How often does that happen. My 5 year old son could pick them that well.

Van Halen Inducted to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted Van Halen on Monday. Indisputably the greatest rock band of all time, the boys of Van Halen continued to prove that they are some of the most flamboyant, unpredictable, and psychotic members of the rock-n-roll community. The only two members of the band to show up at the ceremony were Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony, two of the members who are technically not even in the band anymore.

Eddie Van Halen is now back in rehab. It was reported that he is trying to get down to one bottle of Jack Daniels before breakfast. Eddie's son Wolfgang is now the bassist for the band since Eddie kicked out Michael for continuing his friendship with former lead singer Hagar. Wolfgang was unable to attend the event since he has a book report due at Pasadena Middle School the following day. Alex Van Halen, always good on the drums, has no spine and Eddie props him up. Diamond David Lee Roth was a no show and claimed it was because he could not come to an agreement with even coordinators about which song he would sing. Come on now, Dave. We've known you for 30 years now. If you want to get up there and sing a song, you know that they'll let you as long as you promise not to drop the F-word in it.

So being a class act, Michael Anthony wished the other members of the band well on their road to recovery and even did a shout out to Gary Cherone, the third lead singer of the band who was not listed by the Hall of Fame as a member of the band. Sammy Hagar had nothing bad to say. When interviewed, he mentioned that a lot of things were out of everyone's control and he wished that all of the band members could have been there.

So what's the deal? You only get inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame once. I realize that everyone wants to minimize their trips to Cleveland, but if ever there is a trip that you must make, it's your induction into the Hall of Fame. Obviously 2 members of the band are sober. The others ones are so tripped out that they probably have no idea what day it is and their egos are so big that they couldn't fit them in the pick-up truck. You blew it boys! You're still my favorite band, but you suck!