Did You Hear the One About...

How do you know that Martin O'Malley is lying? His lips are moving.

What would happen in Martin O'Malley fell into a pool full of sharks? Nothing. It's a professional courtesy.

What's another term for Baltimore? The scene of the crime.

Did you hear that Martin O'Malley won the Irish weight-lifting competition? He hoisted a 49 ounce glass.

Did you hear about the tornado that went through Baltimore? It did $20 million worth of improvements.

What's the best thing to ever come out of Baltimore? I-83.

How does the Maryland General Assembly keep Republicans from drowning? They take their foot off of their heads.

What would happen if Israel attacked Syria? Within an hour, France would surrender.

Did you hear about the Baltimore City student who was asked to write a 200 word essay about what he did over the summer? He wrote, "Not much'' 100 times.

What the difference between a teacup and a peacup? A teacup is what the English use to drink their tea. A peacup is what illegal immigrants in Glen Burnie drive to the Home Depot day labor stop.

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? None. They don't even realize that they're in the dark.

How do we know that the Maryland General Assembly doesn't have a dirty mind? They change it every week.

Why is it appropriate that Congress investigates the Jack Abramoff scandal? It takes a thief to catch a thief.

How do you know that Baltimore has tough neighborhoods? The gun shops have back to school sales.

An idiot walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asked, "Hey, where'd you get that?" The parrot replied, "In the Senate."

Why is a liberal like a chemical factory? They both produce toxic waste.

What's the best thing to do if your doctor tells you to slow down? Get a job in the Baltimore City government.

What's yellow and sleeps six? A Baltimore City plow truck.

What's the difference between a liberal and a knotted shoestring? You can straighten out a shoestring.

What is happiness? When Martin O'Malley finds out a female reporter is pregnant and her boyfriend wants to marry her.

Why is the Maryland General Assembly contemplating a ban on sex. It can lead to smoking afterwards.

How do you know if you go to a Baltimore City school? The school newspaper has an obituary column.