Softball or Walkball?

On Saturday my daughter played what could be her last softball game of the year. We've had several rain-out's, so I'm not sure if we will be making up these games or not.

Saturday was a bit warm. The temperature at 10:30 am was about 94 degrees. Daytime high was expected to be near 100 with a heat index of 104, but factor in the windchill, and maybe it's back to 100??? (Why does windchill only factor into the winter weather?)

Our umpire for the game appeared to be a young girl that just finished the 7th grade. How we end up with umpires that a 2 years older than the young girls I coach is a bit perplexing. Nonetheless, we were in the field first. And we knew it was going to be a long day when the first 10 strikes were all called balls. Apparently her strike zone was the size of a golf ball. And the location of that golf ball was up to her discretion. It wasn't necessarily over the plate or between shoulder and knees. Sometimes it was about shin-high.

After 13 walks in the inning, the other team had expended their lineup, so by league rules their at-bat ends. It's our turn. Now the difference between our team and the opposing team is that we came there to play softball, not walkball. Our girls got up and were swinging at strikes (by what most umpires would call strikes). The opposing team had some decent fielders, so we would get through 5-6 hitters and they would get their 3 outs.

Back on the field. This time, I hear their coach. "Don't swing unless you know it's a strike." And they listened to their coach. Those players on his team didn't swing at a pitch. Walk. Walk. Walk. Walk. Walk. Walk. Walk. Girl - it's 100 degrees out here and you're calling every pitch a ball?!!! Don't you want to get out of this oppressive heat? Call some damn strikes!!! And to make matters worse, anytime one of those girls got a walk (because the coach told her not to swing) he would cheer as if she just had a great hit. "Yeah!!!! Way to go!!''

"Yeah, way to go"???? She got walked! What kind of accomplishment is that?

So I'm taking this umpire to Vegas. What are the odds that there could be 12 walks per inning and no strikes? If she can beat those odds, then she's a sandbagger for Texas Hold-em. Here's a little hint to those young people aspiring umpires - when you are umping little league, make the strike zone bigger. It makes the game go by a lot faster and it makes it a lot more exciting. If you call a lot of balls, then jackass coaches like the one we played will tell their players not to swing at anything.

So the final score was 27-6. I think they had 50 walks total. And I'm not exaggerating. And to make matters worse, since we were the home team, we bat last, right? No. After the top of the 5th inning, the other coach yells, "Okay, line 'em up." What? I ask the umpire what's going on. She says the game is over. "Hello - we're the home team. We get the last at-bat." Confusion sets in. The umpire is struggling to come up with an answer. At this point she yells out, "Ball 4!" Then the JA coach chimes in, "Guys, our girls are hot and not feeling well. Let's just call it a game."

Not feeling well. Awe!!!! Too many walks made your girls tired? Image how tired they'd be if they swung the bat and had to run to first base. Ugh.

So on the bright side of the story, my daughter got 2 at-bats and connected with the ball twice. One time grounding out to first (but it was a good hit) and getting on base a second time with a ground ball to short, but but it was a fielder's choice - the shortstop forced out the runner going to third.

Which Softball Coaches Suck?

Every parent wants their child to succeed. I'm not any different. When my daughter expressed an interest in playing softball, I jumped all over the chance to be an assistant coach. After all, my son has no interest in baseball and after playing for 10 years, I really miss it.

She got selected to play on a team coached by a parent who actually lives in our neighborhood. He actually played baseball in college, so he has a bit more experience than I do. The team is 3rd and 4th graders, so my daughter is on the younger side. And since a lot of parents hold their children back so that they can be the best in their class, we do have some 10 year olds on the team.

We played 2 scrimmages so far and we played fairly well. The scores were similar and the talent was even.

Yesterday, however, we played a different team. Half way through the first inning they were killing us already. I turned to our head coach and said, "That team is pretty good."

"Pretty good?" he says. "That team is stacked! And you want to know why? Their head coach is the commissioner of the league." And he wasn't kidding. Their worst player was as good as our best 3 players.

What the hell kind of crap is this? Why do parents so blatantly abuse their power? Oh yeah - because they can. And it wasn't even like she picked the best few players in the league. She picked ALL the best players in the league.

These 9 year olds were turning double plays and suicide squeezes. We're just happy when we hit a ground ball.

Another mistake - I was asked to be the umpire for our team and I called a generous strike zone. Why? Because they're 8 and 9. I don't want to be there all day waiting for them to hit it.

The other umpire for their team? Strike zone as tight as Martin O'Malley's clenched fist after he got the massive tax package, the largest in the state's history, passed through the General Assembly. Our pitchers were walking 10 batters in a row. Apparently it was only a strike if the player swung the bat at the ball.

What a bunch of F-in douchbags. I already hate softball and I'm sure the girls on our team feel the same way. So, if you're a parent of a child and the commissioner of your child's sports league - then you're a jerk and you know it!

Girls' Softball

My 8 year old daughter decided that she wanted to play softball this year. She has never played on an organized team. She's not very athletic, but I would support any legal activity that she wants to pursue.

I have coached boys and girls soccer for several years now. I played baseball from age 7 through 15. I played in a couple of adult softball leagues since then. I figured it would not be too difficult to coach 8 & 9 year old girls.

Now, I'm not officially the head coach. I am the assistant coach. However, yesterday I was the head coach at practice. The real head coach was not able to make it.

Our team is mostly 4th graders with about 3-4 third graders. Most have played before and mostly since they were 6.

I had helpful parent pitch while I worked with the girls with their hitting. If I was assisting boys, I would have thought nothing about getting behind them, holding their hands on the bat, and helping them feel the motion of a good bat swing. However, with the hot-topic fear of inappropriate touching of kids, I felt really awkward trying to help these girls. I mostly stood next to them and tried to have them imitate my actions. It was tougher than I expected.

All was not lost. We have several really good hitters. Catching and throwing are different stories. One girl, who has never played a game in her life, smacked the first 4 pitches over shortstop. I'm not talking grounders or 2-hoppers. They were line drives. I asked her if she could hit it over first base. On the next pitch - she hit it over first base. I asked her to do the same with 3rd and 2nd. She did it. I then asked her to hit the ball high in the air. She did it. This 8 year old girl can hit the ball with the accuracy and intention of a high school player. I was amazed.

I look forward to the rest of the season and it sure feels good to put on a glove and walk on the diamond.