Rosie - The Price is Right?

Bob Barker has demonstrated to America why he is retiring. Sadly we have all learned the Bob Barker is senile.

On Friday, the host of The Price is Right for 35 years has announced that he endorses Rosie O'Donnell to succeed him. This also clearly indicates that his vision is totally gone, too.

Rosie O'Donnell, the fat obnoxious liberal extremist who got her ass kicked by Elisabeth Hasselbeck, was recently fired from The View when she implied that American soldiers are terrorists. As stated previously, Rosie has never denied that she is funding Al-Quaeda efforts in the United States. Purportedly, many of her neighbors have also stated that she has parties every time she learns that additional soldiers were killed in Iraq.

There have even been rumors that this Joseph Stalin-lovin lesbian has a massive gun collection, despite her repeated rants that the only people that should own guns are criminals. Though I'm not sure that she has ever been convicted of a crime, she may secretly be an outlaw and fits into her own category as a legit gun owner.

The logistics of Rosie taking over the show are being discussed. Currently, the stage is set 3 feet off of the ground. However, if Rosie takes over the show, the stage will have to be reinforced with 2 ft wide reinforced steel I-beams on concrete footers. The sound system, obviously, would need to be muted.

Also, the number of seats in the audience would naturally be reduced. There are only a limited number of brain-washed left-wing lunatic stay-at-home mothers that would take time away from taking Timmy to his play date so that she be a contested who could 'Come on down!'.

There are also rumors that instead of the Showcase Showdown, she would replace this segment with an open forum (open meaning you sit and listen and she speaks) where she attacks Christians, men, heterosexuals, and Republicans. Additionally, she will praise and pontificate the benefits of obesity, bestiality, mental illness, liberal totalitarian systems of government, and gay marriage.

Hopefully, the brass at CBS will dismiss these rumors and replace Mr. Barker with the best new host possible. Though Todd Newton and Mark Steines are leading candidates as the new host, all of unemployed America (including college students) want Mario Lopez. Mr. Lopez is beloved by all Americans who grew up on Saved By The Bell. However, to seal the deal, Mr. Lopez should officially change his real name to A.C. Slater.