Thursday, October 02, 2014

September - A Month In Review

11 commercial jets went missing from Libya this month and very little was mentioned on the left-wing news channels.  Reports indicate that Islamic Militants may have seized the planes.  While CNN went on for hours and hours for a month about a missing Malaysian jet, there is zero mention of the 11 planes from Libya.

Beloved comedian Joan Rivers passed away several days after a medical procedure.  The procedure ended up being to repair her vocal chords, not to slide her eyeballs further to the side of her head as everyone suspected.

Baltimore Raven's running back was released by the team after video, which everyone knew existed, was released by TMZ, the official muckraking organization of our times.  The NFL followed up by suspending Rice indefinitely, and Roger Goodell dressing up in a WWII German prison guard uniform pretending he knew nothing, NOTHING!

Apple made it's annual big announcement about new products, this time being the new iPhone 6, which comes standard with a higher price tag, and a watch.  The Apple lemmings will be lined up for hours to buy a watch that can't get wet, is subject to shattering, and will have an ever increasing battery drain over time.  The new iPhone 6, meanwhile, has a new big screen, just like the Samsung Galaxy, withe several fewer features than what the Samsung Galaxy provided a couple of years ago.  Apple users should look to the new Samsung Galaxy to see what they should expect in their new over-priced iPhone 7 in 4 years.

James Bond villain Jaws, otherwise known as Richard Kiel, passed away at the age of 74.  He'll be buried with his metal teeth biting through a gondola cable.

The Discovery Channel announced that it was going to air a show called Rival Survival, where 2 U.S. Senators are stranded on an island and have to work together and live off of the land and sea.  If the show is successful, Discovery Channel hopes to air a sequel called Good Riddance where all members of Congress are put on the island indefinitely while the rest of the country celebrates.

Baltimore continued to make the news in September when former slugger Chris Davis tested positive for amphetamines.  This is his second positive test and it resulted in a 25 game suspension.  Davis claims it's from his ADHD medicine.  Fortunately for the Baltimore Orioles, they are playoff bound and Davis will be eligible to return to the team by their 9th playoff game.  If Davis was on the Phillies, he'd be looking at April before he could return to playing.

Not wanting to lose all the attention to Ray Rice, Minnesota Vikings premier running back Adrian Peterson beat the shit out of a child, resulting in felony injury to a child.  How is this different from child abuse?  I don't know.  Now everyone is wondering if he'll get an indefinite ban from the NFL, or will his punishment be less because he only beat a child and Peterson is a much better running back.

In Baltimore, city police officer Vincent Cosom was placed on administrative leave when video surfaced of him beating Ray Rice's fiance'.  However, Baltimore City Police Commissioner Anthony Batts traded videos with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and found that officer Cosom was actually beating a detained troublemaker.

Embattled Baltimore Orioles slugger Chris Davis made the news again in September while shirking allegations of using amphetamines while simultaneously flipping over a vehicle that was involved in a traffic accident.  Other reports indicate that he stopped a speeding bullet and leaped over a tall building in a single bound.

A report was leaked about the unidentified doctor who performed the vocal chord procedure on Joan Rivers prior to her death.  Apparently he took a selfie of himself and the anesthetized octogenarian.  Look on the positive side - he didn't twerk her.

The Atlanta Braves announced the name of their new stadium that will replace the decrepit 18 year old relic in which they currently play.  Turner Field was constructed way back during the Clinton Administration, certainly valid justification for a new $400 million taxpayer funded stadium for a billion dollar organization.  Oh, the new name will be Screw the Taxpayers Stadium.

Former Tennessee Titans kicker and son-in-law of NFL legend Terry Bradshaw was killed in a vehicle accident. 

Apple backtracked on a publicity stunt gone awry.  Millions of teenagers were outraged when they determined that some irrelevant band from the 80's named U2 hacked their iTunes accounts and filled it with crappy music.  Apparently not every generation is full of lemmings that adhere to what they are told is good music.

Two container ships collided in the Suez canal.  The captain of  Singaporean-flagged Maersk Tanjong 107,000 DWT German-flagged MV Colombo Express claimed that the other 107,000 DWT German-flagged MV Colombo Express came flying out of nowhere at over 8 knots and slammed into the side of it, causing 3 containers to go flying off into the water.  This dramatic 5 minute long collision was caught on film.  No, it's not in slow motion.

The dreaded ebola virus made it's premier in the United States during the last week of September.  The flesh-eating virus was scheduled to appear at the Dallas Theater on Thursday and move to  Houston's Wortham Center over the weekend, with thousands more shows over the next few weeks.

Baltimore native and world-renowned Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps hooked up an IV full of booze and drive 85 mph down I-95 in a 45 mph zone, unaware that doing this a second time would be a bad idea.  He made an announcement that he was going to take a break from swimming to concentrate on his drinking.  Or was it to concentrate on fixing his drinking problem?  Oh, whatever.  One and the same.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

There is a chance you're eligible for a complimentary Apple iPhone 7.

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