O'Malley Consumer Alert

Warning!!

This is a consumer alert.

It has been determined that voting for Martin O'Malley may be hazardous to your health. Preliminary studies have shown that voting for O'Malley has the potential for causing indigestion, gastrointestinal discomfort, rectal irritation, dizziness, mild forms of skin rashes, shortness of breath, muscle cramping, long periods of insomnia followed by short periods of lethargy, sore throat, premature baldness, fungal infections under your big toe nail, joint pain, itchy nose, watery eyes, chapped lips, and hernias.

More serious cases have also shown job loss, income redistribution, hemorrhoids, awkward silent periods with your neighbors, coughing, sneezing, hiccups, flat tires, bounced check penalties, higher gas prices, penile erectile dysfunction for men and loss of sexual appetite for women, telephone calls from telemarketers, increased crime, lower standards for our children's education, higher levels of anger due to rhetoric that no one understands, and flat beer.

In rare cases, the letter W will stick on your keyboard, puppy abuse (especially to Michael Steele's puppy), disorder in our juvenile justice system, corruption in our local level government offices, bruised elbows, back stabbings, guitar performances by drunk mayors (I've seen that photo!), smelly ice cubes, green spots on old Bologna, and accountability will be removed from our teachers.

A study by a very important organization shows that his policies are high in fat, cholesterol, rhetoric, polysorbate acid, trans-fats, and most are sugar coated. My followers have found that it looks and tastes good at first, but several bites into it, they find that it becomes sour and distasteful and has an awkward texture.

Consumers are warned to avoid voting for O'Malley at all costs. You have been warned.