Oh, Baby, where's that baby?

My wife is now 38 weeks pregnant. We're (mostly she) is at the point that we just want the baby to be born. My son was almost 9 lbs when he was born. My wife, who is 5'2" and 105 lbs with her shoes on, practically got stretched inside-out giving birth to him.

When she went to the doctor after she got pregnant, the doctor told her that she probably wouldn't want her to go much beyond 37 weeks because the baby would be too big and she didn't want her to go through another tough pregnancy.

Well, here we are at 38 weeks. My wife went to the doctor yesterday, fully expecting them to schedule an induction later this week. However, the doctor was like, "Looks like you're doing fine. You're 6 cm dilated. See you next week. Oh, can you pass me that crack pipe?"

My wife was furious, and not about the crack pipe. She explained her concerns - having a large baby, tough labor, her absolute misery in trying to get around, not being able to sleep comfortably. The doctor's reaction was something like, "I understand, can you please pass the crack pipe?" Seriously, the doctor said if they induce they can get in trouble? Trouble? With who? The insurance company? Are we letting under-paid accountants make medical decisions again? I thought we learned our lesson when they invented HMO's. They're going to be in more trouble if they determine my wife needs a c-section because the baby is too big. I'm sure Steven L. Miles would like to sue them for negligence and malpractice. Let's talk about it.

Anyway, my wife gets angrier. She says she's going to schedule next week's appointment for late in the week, because what's the point of coming every 7 days if all the doc is going to say is, "That's nice, have you seen my razor and mirror?"

So last night, she starts to have several bursts of contractions. However, nothing came about. She woke up this morning, several pounds heavier, a few hours less sleep, interupted by several dreams of the doctor stealing spoons and lighters out of all of her patient's purses.

Will keep you updated!

O'Malley Orders MD Judges to Smoke More Crack

This could have been the headline based on two legal actions that have occurred this week. And who knows, maybe it really is true. It wouldn't take too much to convince me of that fact.

First, on Monday July 23rd, Montgomery County Circuit Court Judge Katherine Savage ordered the release of English-speaking rape suspect Mahamu Kanneh. He requested an interpreter who spoke Via, a West African language. However, no one on the east coast of modern society speaks Via. She claimed that the court's inability to satisfy his request for an interpreter caused his 6th Amendment Rights to be violated (Right to Due Process, i.e. speedy trial). Kanneh was arrested for the rape of a 7 year-old girl. Judge Savage, however, made no mention of the victim's rights to have the accuser tried for a crime.

On Wednesday, July 25th, Baltimore County Circuit Judge Mickey J. Norman changed the charges against 2 teens who poured acid on a playground that severely burned a 4 year old boy on his legs and backside. The teens were originally charged as adults and could have faced life in prison, but Judge Norman changed it so that they would be charged as juveniles. Attorneys suspect the teens will get an extra stiff lashing across the wrist with a semi-cooked noodle.

This is the same Judge Norman who released Matthew Horner on bail after a hearing when he was arrested for assaulting his wife. He went home after his release and shot her under the head to make it appear as if she was trying to commit suicide.

So, as they say in the back room at the old court house, "Pass the crack pipe, your Honor."