More New Baby

Baby Story Part 2

So as I mentioned before, my daughter was thrilled to get a sister, my son - not so thrilled. After making the announcement in the waiting room, I took my kids back to the room. My daughter's expression never changed. She went from thrilled to thrilled. My son, however, was immediately transformed into a little kid, no longer the youngest in the family, to a big brother, enthralled by the small size of his new little sister.

The next few hours were not too memorable. Family came to visit, friends came to visit. That night was filled with dim lights, intermittent sleep, and a continuous convoy of visiting nurses overcome with boredom, seeking to check the baby to fill their inactive night.

The night melted into daytime. The nurses' shifts changed, they introduced themselves, and took the vitals. I asked when breakfast was served. I was told 8:30. I wonder why they serve breakfast on bankers' hours. Or is it elementary school teachers' schedules? There was no way I was going to last until 8:30. I was forced to eat 3 bed sheets, 2 pillows, and 14 napkins. Fortunately, this held me over until 8:30.

That day we were visited by all the "experts". The house physician stopped by. She was very nice. She also mentioned that it was nice to visit a newborn who has a married mother and a father who is still involved in the relationship. Another plus was that we weren't teenagers. For a moment I thought I was in Baltimore City.

The last thing of our stay that stuck out in my mind was when the nurse came to debrief us before we left the hospital. She told my wife, "No sex for sex weeks", to which my wife responded, "you mean '1 year'?" The nurse laughed and said that "you'd be surprised. The 16 year old parents get really pissed off when you tell them that."

Come again? The 16 year old's shouldn't even be in the maternity ward unless it's to see the birth o their parent's "accidental & irresponsible night of passion" souvenir love child. There I go showing my age again.

I have 3 kids - one of each

That's an old line that my dad used when people asked him if he had any kids. No, that's not to imply that any are transvestites or anything. So my excuse for not blogging recently is the best excuse ever. My wife gave birth to our third child, an 8 lb girl. She's a wonderful addition to our family and since it was such as easy pregnancy and delivery, perhaps she's not the last addition to our family.

Despite being the third child, this delivery had it's little surprises and funny nuances. My wife called me at work at 10:30 to let me know she was in labor. I knew that she was to have a doctor's appointment at 10am, so perhaps he initiated labor??? Nonetheless, I begin my panic. My wife then asks what we should do with the kids. Being a 20 minute ride home from work, I wasn't too worried about the kids yet. I told her that I would hurry up and leave and call her back when I got in the car.

I get off of the phone and I announce to my coworkers that it was time. Several jump to their feet as if they are going with me. One exclaims, "Oh, my goodness, my heart it racing and it's not even my wife!" I shut down my computer, grab my things and as I'm turning the corner to leave my cubicle, one yells out, "did you set you Out Of Office reply on your email?" Are you kidding me? That's not exactly a priority at this point. Could you imagine that conversation with my wife? "Sorry I missed the birth of our child. I had to set my Out Of Office reply on my email."

I called her on the way home and we decide that we would drop the kids off at our next-door-neighbor's house. Normally, there is little on the way home to impede my journey. This time, Estelle, Gertrude, Mertyl, Betty, and Ethyl decide to pull out in front of me and speed up, slow down, and time it just right so that we hit every red light and I miss every opportunity to pass them. When I turn at the light to my neighborhood, I see them all giving thumbs-up to each other. Blue-haired bitches.

I arrive home and the minivan is not in the driveway. Where in the world could she be? Did she tell me to meet her at the hospital? I go into a panic. I leave my truck running in the street and race to my neighbor's house. She answers and says that my wife dropped the kids off at a friend's house so that she could go to the doctor's office, so she had to return to that friend's house to get them and bring them home. I run into the house and start getting essentials. We already packed a suitcase. I grab my travel bag with toothbrush and deodorant and such, along with a couple of magazines, the portable DVD player, some DVD's (you never know how long with is going to take).

My wife arrives, we shuffle the kids next door, and we hit the road. I ask her if I need to drive really fast or just take it easy. She looks at me and starts laughing. "You're more nervous than I am" she says. I take it easy and we get to the hospital a bit before noon. We arrive, get to a room, and get settled. Her doctor visits and wants her to take a bag of penicillin because she tested positive for Strep B. She says it will take an hour for her to absorb the bag through the IV.

An hour passes. Then 2. My wife asks the nurse to page the doctor. "If she breaks my water, it'll be done in no time" she tells them. 5 o'clock, they finally find the doctor. it's been almost 5 hours (for those of you who attended schools in Baltimore City, the difference between noon and 5pm is 5 hours). She breaks the water and guess what? 15 minutes later she can see the tip of the head. Two long hard pushes and out flops with white-slime covered beautiful baby girl. She has all 13 fingers and toes.

After a quick power washing and a few minutes under the Burger King heat lamp, the swaddle her and hand her over. She passed the test. I head out to the waiting room where my kids wait with my parents, my mother-in-law, and my sister and her family. I pull my kids to my side and whisper to them that they have a baby sister. My daughter jumps for joy. My son lowers his head and buries it in my chest - ready to cry. He wanted a little brother. Don't worry. He's come to love her.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of this story.

Oh, Baby, where's that baby?

My wife is now 38 weeks pregnant. We're (mostly she) is at the point that we just want the baby to be born. My son was almost 9 lbs when he was born. My wife, who is 5'2" and 105 lbs with her shoes on, practically got stretched inside-out giving birth to him.

When she went to the doctor after she got pregnant, the doctor told her that she probably wouldn't want her to go much beyond 37 weeks because the baby would be too big and she didn't want her to go through another tough pregnancy.

Well, here we are at 38 weeks. My wife went to the doctor yesterday, fully expecting them to schedule an induction later this week. However, the doctor was like, "Looks like you're doing fine. You're 6 cm dilated. See you next week. Oh, can you pass me that crack pipe?"

My wife was furious, and not about the crack pipe. She explained her concerns - having a large baby, tough labor, her absolute misery in trying to get around, not being able to sleep comfortably. The doctor's reaction was something like, "I understand, can you please pass the crack pipe?" Seriously, the doctor said if they induce they can get in trouble? Trouble? With who? The insurance company? Are we letting under-paid accountants make medical decisions again? I thought we learned our lesson when they invented HMO's. They're going to be in more trouble if they determine my wife needs a c-section because the baby is too big. I'm sure Steven L. Miles would like to sue them for negligence and malpractice. Let's talk about it.

Anyway, my wife gets angrier. She says she's going to schedule next week's appointment for late in the week, because what's the point of coming every 7 days if all the doc is going to say is, "That's nice, have you seen my razor and mirror?"

So last night, she starts to have several bursts of contractions. However, nothing came about. She woke up this morning, several pounds heavier, a few hours less sleep, interupted by several dreams of the doctor stealing spoons and lighters out of all of her patient's purses.

Will keep you updated!