Whoopi is Inidicative of Stupidity

Whoopi Goldberg proved on her first day of work at The View that she was the perfect replacement for the fat obnoxious Rosie O'Donnell. Whoopi went on the show defending the murder of animals conducted by NFL thug Michael Vick.

Goldberg's statements were chocked full of idiocy. She claimed that Vick's cultural upbringing justify his actions. You see, despite being from Virginia, Goldberg says that being from the deep South (Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, but not Virginia), that was how he was raised. Therefore, it must be okay. Sam Bowers was raised to hate black people and killed a NAACP leader Vernon Dahmer with a firebomb in 1966. Since it was part of up upbringing and Bowers was from the deep South, it must be okay, correct?

A person's upbringing does not excuse someone of their illegal actions. Beating, drowning, and hanging 8 dogs and running a dog-fighting operation is not okay because that's your culture.

Goldberg went on to say "There are certain things that are indicative to certain parts of our country." Indicative? Obviously Goldberg is trying to throw out some big fancy words to impress her viewers despite not having a clue as to how to properly use the word. Being fat like Rosie O'Donnell is indicative that you eat like a pig. However, being from the South is not indicative that you're an irresponsible thug who likes to kill animals.

Way to go Whoopi! I can't wait to follow your follies this year on your new job.

Rosie O'Donnnell After the View

My team of photo-terrorists have been scanning Los Angeles and New York to find out what Rosie O'Donnell is up to now that she took a publicity whooping from Elizabeth Hasselbeck. We finally found her and she is not doing well at all.

This photo was taken of her at a McDonald's off of the 410 (that's C.H.I.P.S. lingo for Interstate 410). She was caught digging through a trashcan looking for Value Meal leftovers. It's apparent that she hasn't shaved her chest in over two weeks.

We tried to organize a group that could get help for Rosie, but we soon learned that no one cares. This fat obnoxious liberal extremists who wants to rid the world of religion and self-protection will just have to ply away at life on the streets of shame. Too bad!

Rosie - The Price is Right?

Bob Barker has demonstrated to America why he is retiring. Sadly we have all learned the Bob Barker is senile.

On Friday, the host of The Price is Right for 35 years has announced that he endorses Rosie O'Donnell to succeed him. This also clearly indicates that his vision is totally gone, too.

Rosie O'Donnell, the fat obnoxious liberal extremist who got her ass kicked by Elisabeth Hasselbeck, was recently fired from The View when she implied that American soldiers are terrorists. As stated previously, Rosie has never denied that she is funding Al-Quaeda efforts in the United States. Purportedly, many of her neighbors have also stated that she has parties every time she learns that additional soldiers were killed in Iraq.

There have even been rumors that this Joseph Stalin-lovin lesbian has a massive gun collection, despite her repeated rants that the only people that should own guns are criminals. Though I'm not sure that she has ever been convicted of a crime, she may secretly be an outlaw and fits into her own category as a legit gun owner.

The logistics of Rosie taking over the show are being discussed. Currently, the stage is set 3 feet off of the ground. However, if Rosie takes over the show, the stage will have to be reinforced with 2 ft wide reinforced steel I-beams on concrete footers. The sound system, obviously, would need to be muted.

Also, the number of seats in the audience would naturally be reduced. There are only a limited number of brain-washed left-wing lunatic stay-at-home mothers that would take time away from taking Timmy to his play date so that she be a contested who could 'Come on down!'.

There are also rumors that instead of the Showcase Showdown, she would replace this segment with an open forum (open meaning you sit and listen and she speaks) where she attacks Christians, men, heterosexuals, and Republicans. Additionally, she will praise and pontificate the benefits of obesity, bestiality, mental illness, liberal totalitarian systems of government, and gay marriage.

Hopefully, the brass at CBS will dismiss these rumors and replace Mr. Barker with the best new host possible. Though Todd Newton and Mark Steines are leading candidates as the new host, all of unemployed America (including college students) want Mario Lopez. Mr. Lopez is beloved by all Americans who grew up on Saved By The Bell. However, to seal the deal, Mr. Lopez should officially change his real name to A.C. Slater.

Woman of the Year

So, I'm not talking about Hillary Clinton, Suzie Orman, or Sheila Dixon. I am talking about Elizabeth Hasselbeck. The cute talk-show co-host has done what very few have accomplished over thousands of years of entertainment - she pissed off Rosie O'Donnell so much that she decided to end her contract with The View earlier than expected.

The obese Rosie O'Donnell, the cancer of decency, has been shoveling her brand of elitist homo-agenda rhetoric down the throats of stay-at-home mom's and unfortunate early afternoon gym members for several years. Several attempts to stifle her by forcing Goodyear tires into her mouth were averted when she jumped on some ropes and hung upside down. She claims she performed this buffoon activity so that she wouldn't be sad about thinking that Tom Selleck owns a gun.

Rosie O'Donnell and the cute Hasselbeck started arguing after communist and fascist sympathizer Joy Behar got diarrhea of the mouth and accused Republicans for all that is wrong in the world. She supported her rhetoric with unsubstantiated propaganda and rhetoric. Hasselbeck, the conservative on the show and outnumbered 300-1 (when considering the weight of the Twinkies and ho-hos stored in the asses of the show's others hosts), began defending the war and President Bush.

O'Donnell later inferred that the U.S. troops were the terrorists. O'Donnell, who has never denied that she donates money to Al-Quaida, started ripping into "little innocent Christian Elizabeth". The remaining dialog is about as important as David Hasselhoff's drunken video - everyone is interested, but it doesn't make much of a difference in life. However, Hasselbeck's heated defense resulted in the greatest victory since the Normandy Invasion. Rosie has removed her Birkenstocks and over-sized stirrup pants and will run and hide into seclusion with her wife.

This is why Elizebeth Hasselbeck has earned my vote for Woman of the Year!!!!