Hill Billy Millionaire

Hillbilly Ellwood "Bunky" Bartlett proved once again why normal never win the lottery. Bunky, a Dundalk resident and self-proclaimed Wicca teacher and spiritual leader, will claim his share of the $350 million that he won in the Mega Millions lottery drawing.

Bunky will appear on the Today Show with Matt Lauer and explain that he still plans to shop at Wal-Mart and eat all his meals at McDonald's. There's no word if he will put new tires on his 1987 Buick Regal or buy a new washing machine to put on his porch. However, he said he has no plans to give money outside of his family, which was good news for relatives Bubba, Bobby Joe, Billy Ray, Clyde, Hoss, and Bill Clinton.

Bunky purchased his ticket at a liquor store (if you can believe that!) in White Marsh, Maryland (a town in which the media now calls Nottingham - probably because it's no longer white and there's no marsh, just a lot of shopping centers and apartments and townhouses).

Bunky's luck further solidifies my belief (though not my Wicken belief) that only rednecks who buy lottery tickets at ram-shackled liquor stores ever win.