May - A Month in Review

NFL Draft - Cleveland drafts 8 quarterbacks.  Ravens displayed a slightly higher level of acumen and fortified their offensive line by drafting tight end, a running back, and another quarterback.

Nigeria girls kidnapped.

Russia announced that it was bailing out of the International Space Station.  Concerned scientist world-wide pleaded with the Russians to at least wait until another shuttle arrives to bring them back to Earth.

30 Rock star Alec Baldwin was arrested once again, this time for the intolerable crime of riding his bicycle the wrong way down a one-way street.  He was promptly beaten, humiliated, and placed in a holding cell with other criminals arrested for lesser crimes, such as murder, armed robbery, and embezzling.

WMAR Channel 2 became the news when a deranged mentally ill person crashed into the lobby of the station with a stolen stake-side truck.  When the police heard that a deranged man had crashed the truck into the station, police immediately suspected Maryland governor-apparent Anthony Brown.  Unfortunately, it was not the current Lieutenant Governor.

Longtime America's Top 40 radio disc jokey Casey Kasem went missing.  In one of the most bizarre stories of the year, the legendary radio icon may have been kidnapped by his current wife and fled to a foreign country or an Indian reservation because she was about to lose custody, so to speak, of the Kasem who is suffering from dementia.

American Idol contestant Clay Aiken ran for the 2nd Congressional seat in North Carolina.  When asked about his qualifications to work in the House of Representatives, he cited his hit song "Invisible".  People claimed that his pop song doesn't qualify him to be a national politician, to which the antagonists responded that he was just as qualified as Harry Reid.  Touche'.

Thailand is under martial law.  I find it interesting that a guy named Marshall is running a country that has basically been in a state of war or a harbinger of underage brothels for 50 years.

A school in Utah decided to shred the 1st Amendment and then got busted when they editing year book photos, though only girls' photos were edited.  The Wasatch School District blacked-out cleavage or covered exposed shoulders of the girls, but apparently left uglier girls' pictures untouched who exposed just as much skin.  When asked to comment, the school superintendent rambled on about how he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids.

Dr. Maya Angelou passed away at the age of 86.  The renowned writer, poet, singer, and Presidential Medal of Freedom winner inspired many.  She wrote seven autobiographies, because one is not enough.  The current generation of teens learned of her death on Instagram, though none of them read about her, because there are no articles on Instagram, just pictures.

The parents of the graduates of Baltimore County's Randallstown High School did their imitation of an episode of COPS when an all-out brawl broke out during the graduation ceremony at Towson University.  Randallstown prides itself on a tradition of excellence, but older graduates insist the school wasn't like this when they went there.

President Obama gave the biggest gift ever to people who hate Americans when he officially changed U.S. policy of not negotiating with terrorists.  Obama allowed 5 terrorists being held in Guantanamo Bay to be released in exchange for U.S. Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, whose members state was actually a deserter.  Political wonks now expect more Americans to be kidnapped so that terrorists can get all of their members out of Guantanamo.