Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Remember April 1 is Census Day. Take 10 minutes to fill out your 2010 Census form and mail it back. If 100% of households mailed back their forms, taxpayers would save $1.5 BILLION dollars. Let's all do our part and mail back our forms!
First, saying "$1.5 BILLION dollars" is like saying 1.5 billion dollars dollars, isn't it? That's why Al Gore invented the dollar sign - so that we wouldn't have to type dollars at the end.
Second, how will returning the Census form save $1.5 BILLION? "Thank goodness, Larry. All 100% of the people returned the form. That will save us $1.5 billion." "What do you mean, Elmer? $1.5 billion to do what?" "Not sure, Larry. But we saved it! Now we can use that money to save even more money in the healthcare system!" "That doesn't make sense, Elmer." "Stop asking questions, Larry, and go back to work."
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again. Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?"
Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican."
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."
Sunday, March 28, 2010
if you thought that Obama's new healthcare plan actually covered all Americans. It only covers about an additional 10-20 million more Americans, many of whom already have access to health insurance via their spouse.
you believe the government when they say that inflation is under control.
you think that the Chinese aren't going to control our economy in 20 years.
you think I'm going to lose 15 pounds by the time I go on vacation in July.
you think I don't enjoy watching hockey on my new 52" HD television with 16 speaker-sound.
you think the Orioles will do any better than last place this year.
you think I can get my 2 year old to bed before 10pm.
you think everyone loves those GEICO commercials.
you think that Dr. Pepper is better than Mr. Pibb.
you think John Sarbanes loves being a Congressman. He's got higher offices in mind. Hopefully we can do something about that. Preferably in a 14th story building in a law firm rather than an office in Congress.
you think that the University of North Carolina will be horrible again next year.
you think that John Edwards will ever be elected to office again after cheating on his wife while she was battling cancer.
you think that Comcast will eventually stop raising their rates faster than the rate of inflation.
you think we haven't had enough of Kate Gossling, the Duggars, and Lindsay Lohan.
you don't think this is the most horrible season of American Idol.
you don't think Martin O'Malley will run for U.S. Senate after Babs Mikulski retires in 6 years.
you think 'moving Maryland forward' means anything other than Democrats getting their way.
you don't think that Black Pepper Jack Doritos were the best snack food ever made.
you don't think that Winthrop University's men's basketball team is the most awesomest mid-major in Division I.
you don't think some physical education teachers in Carroll County Public Schools don't have anger-management problems.
you think I'm impressed that your kid is on 'travel'.
you think I don't like chicken.
you don't think I'm wrapping up this post so that I can go to bed.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Apparently it's the robust Democrat Sam Moxley who has been arrested twice in the past 4 years for drunk driving.
But he wants to continue to serve the public (which should be read as reap the benefits of public office). He wants to run for Clerk of the Courts position that is open due to the resignation (retirement) of 80 year old Suzanne Mensh.
Hopefully the good people of Baltimore County have enough sense to vote for someone who actually deserves the position. One who is not dependent on his pals Bud and Jack to get through the day. Can you image a drunk Moxley swearing in Pat McDonough, potentially the next Baltimore County Executive? Oh, my!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley has moved Maryland forward so much that he gets all giddy when he looks in the mirror. Today, he may be over-stepping his bounds when he declared that all clocks in Maryland will be moved forward 1 hour.
Fortunately, O'Malley is always there to move Maryland forward and what a better opportunity than the spring time change? In addition to taking credit for moving the clocks forward, O'Malley took credit for me waking up on time, for my 2 year old going pee-pee on the potty, and for the water boiling in the pot for macaroni-n-cheese at dinner time tonight.
O'Malley - thanks for moving so many things forward!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Friend: OMG - I can't believe I forgot Lando Calrissian.
Eludius: What? You forgot about Lando Calrissian? What - have you been living on Daegobah for the last 30 years?
It got a few laughs - at least from the people that are in the know.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
You see, our Maryland elected officials think that they are protecting our children by banning the importation of wine. Because if Maryland children could order wine over the Internet, they'd be buying that Verge Dry Creek Valley Syrah for $49.99 + $5 shipping. And we know that children certainly don't have easier ways to purchase alcohol - like older siblings or hanging outside of the 7-11 waiting for some guy to buy you a case of Coors Lite with a twenty.
However, that's only part of the problem. On the other side of that there is the liquor lobby that is funneling campaign contributions into the coffers of our elected officials in order to keep them from voting in favor of removing the ban. And as HoCo Rising pointed out in this post, someone challenged The Sun to produce a campaign donation list from the liquor lobby.
Now we have a list of legislators that have not cosponsored the bill, which can generally interpreted that they are opposed to it, though not necessarily. If any of your elected representatives are on this list and you agree that we should be allowed to import wine into Maryland, then please contact them! We need to end this stupid ban.
And here is some empty space so that the above link stands out better.
The Ed Block Courage Foundation hasn't unofficially announced that it's annual awards are now a meaningless and should not be taken seriously.
One of the recipients of the 2010 Ed Block Courage Awards is convicted dog-killer Michael Vick, a member of the Philadelphia Eagles.
On their website they state:
Each year, the Ed Block Courage Awards honors those National Football League players who exemplify commitments to the principles of sportsmanship and courage. Recipients are selected by their teammates for team effort, as well as individual performance.
Let's see - Michael Vick is courageous? Nope. Callous? More likely. Arrogant? Irresponsible? Demonic? I would agree to those.
The Ed Block Courage Award recipient symbolizes professionalism, great strength and dedication. He is also a community role model. With this honor, he enters into an association which contrasts his fierce profession by becoming a major component of the Courage House National Support Network for Kids. He becomes an Ambassador of Courage for victims of abuse, violence and neglect.
Moreover, does Michael Vick demonstrate professionalism? Eh. Dedication? To dog killing? Is he a community role model? No way in hell. He becomes an Ambassador of Courage for victims of abuse, violence, and neglect? He gets to represent mutilated and dead animals? Or does this only apply to abusing people?
Usually the award goes to players that have overcome possible career-ending injuries, or players that suddenly fell out of favor only to surge back as a starter and lead their team to success. The player should show integrity and principles of sportsmanship on and off of the field. Previous recipients include Isaac Bruce, Mark Brunell, Corey Ivy, Bruce Smith, Mark Rypien, Duce Staley, Fred Taylor, Zach Thomas, Ozzie Newsome, Trent Green, Marshall Faulk, and Charlie Garner. All distinguished men.
Michael Vick is a dog-killing thug that spent 22 months in prison. He's been doing a lot of community service for children, not because he wants to, but because it's part of his probation. If he fails to fulfill his community service requirements, he will be forced to return to prison for violation of probation. That's not courage. That's not dedication. Those are terms of a sentence. I don't think he should be rewarded for fulfilling the terms of his prison sentence.
And by awarding Michael Vick with the trophy, the Ed Block Courage Foundation has just announced to the world that their award is meaningless.
Monday, March 08, 2010
Saturday, March 06, 2010
Final score - Winthrop 64 - 53.
Possible 15 seed?
Click on this link to vote for yourself:
Who do you think is the least and most effective? For the record, I voted for both Republicans and Democrats. Which Democrats would I vote for? My friend Saqib Ali, for one. He seems like an honest guy. And I'll take an honest hard-working Democrat over a questionable fringe Republican.
Friday, March 05, 2010
Not sure if Rudy counts as corrupt, but he likes the ladies. The former Mayor of New York City liked the ladies so much so that he's been married to several of them. And he always seemed to start dating the next one while he was married to the previous one. But - all but the first wife should not be surprised. I mean if you're dating a guy who's cheating on his wife, are you really surprised when you marry him and he starts cheating on you?
We all remember Elliott Spitzer. He went after financial firms as Attorney General of New York making life hell for everyone - even the good financial firms. He was just doing it to make a name for himself. Then he got elected to be Governor or New York. Then he started getting blow jobs from a hooker. Or lots of hookers. I don't exactly remember. So he bailed ship.
Next we have current New York Governor David Paterson. He wasn't elected to be Governor, but was the replacement for Elliott Spitzer (swallows) who resigned in disgrace. He has recently been charged with witness tampering in a domestic abuse case involving a staff member. Additionally, he was charged with lying under oath. And now he has announced that he will not seek reelection. You don't not seek reelection for public office unless you have something to hide or when you know you're not going to win the next time. Just ask Christopher Dodd, Byron Dorgan, Evan Bayh, and Brian Baird.
Now New York Congressman Charles Rangel was removed as chairman of the House Ways and Means committee while he is investigated by the House Ethics Committee. He rents a four unit apartment at below-market value, which is owned by the Olnick Organization, an organization that donates a lot of money to him. Hmm... no impropriety there.
He also uses one of the apartments as a campaign office - a violation of NYC rent-stabilization laws that require apartments to be used as a primary residence, not an office.
Additionally, Rangel owns a villa in Punta Cana, which he rents out. Rangel failed to report this income to the Congress.
Furthermore, investigations into his financial history show discrepancies between what he claimed as income and what he received from sales of property.
Finally, Representative Rangel has been storing a vehicle in the House parking garage for storage, a violation of House rules. Moreover, this vehicle is unlicensed and does not have a House parking permit.
So while Rangel has been sticking to everyone while he is in Congress, he has also been sticking it to us with his continuous violations of law and rules. Rangel is an elected official that we cannot trust, because he refuses to play fairly. He has no integrity and deserves no respect. Not only that, I've heard him chair the the House Ways and Means Committee and he is an absolute jerk. Do you want to talk about partisan? He makes prosecuting attorneys seem like kindergarten teachers.
Congressman Rangel - it's time for you to step down. You can pretend you're retiring to spend more time with your family and we'll be okay with that. But it's time to go.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Potpourri was the category for non-related topics. It could be anything. So here is today's potpourri.
Winthrop men's basketball plays at 6pm tonight on ESPNU. Make sure you watch it!
American Idol cliche' of the year - "watching you is very frustrating."
You know you're getting old when you take Step Aerobics class at the gym and you don't know any of the songs.
I can French braid girls' hair. One time at a party in college when under the influence of my friend Miller, I asked a girl I barely knew if I could French braid her hair. She let me, but I could tell she was very uncomfortable. I can't help but laughing every time I think about that now.
I was on the phone yesterday with my college roommate who lives in Charlotte, North Carolina while he was in line at the drive-thru at McDonald's. While ordering I kept yelling into the phone, "Get me a Big Mac! Get me a Big Mac!!"
Drunk people should not be allowed to text - unless they say really bizarre things that you can use against them later.
I have a coworker who is learning a new process that I am teaching him. I gave him a link to the directory of data and he said that he is not that familiar with that directory yet, but over time "I should be able to feel myself around." Um.....okay.
We had our softball coaches' meeting last night. I'm not interested in the history of the program, nor your involvement. I don't care how good your team was in 1995. Just shut the hell up and give me my lineup and a copy of the rules so I can go home.
If you do a Google-search for "no touch love", the first result is "No touch paper towel dispensers".
An average looking girl suddenly becomes much more attractive when she either wears glasses or a baseball cap. If she wears both my knees are shaking.
I once got assaulted by a man's eyebrows.
My name is not Baby. It's Eludius. Mr. Eludius if you're nasty.
I hate partisan politics. Why can't you just agree with me? Things would be so much easier.
During the Presidential campaign, they said that Obama was from Illinois. But he's from Hawaii.
If Doug Gansler is going to recognize same sex marriages from different states because we should respect the laws of other states, then he should recognize Alaska's concealed carry laws in Maryland.
Since Hollywood is remaking all of the movies and TV Shows from our childhood, they should just go all over the top and remake the Molly Ringwald trilogy with Li'l Kim as Molly's characters.
If the Post Office eliminates Saturday delivery that is totally going to ruin my Netflix queue.
Girls in high school hate dorks - until they get older and we have steady jobs, make good money, and they realize how funny we really are.
I'm not Samurai Mike.
Please don't play male enhancement commercials on the radio during the day. My little kids listen to the radio too and I'm not ready for that conversation.
I secretly listen to Tina Turner, but don't tell anyone.
I hate it when people ask if they can ask a random question, and then I find out it's work-related. If you're going to ask me a random question, make it something like, "Who was my 2nd grade teacher?" Now that's random!
And these are my random thoughts of the day.
Most of these schools are suffering because the middle class of Baltimore City have been fleeing the city for years. I should know. My family was one of them. And now there just aren't enough children of middle class families to support the vast network of schools that the Archdiocese built to support the middle class who didn't want to send their children to the miserable and failing public schools of Baltimore City.
I probably wouldn't care too much about this whole issue except for one fact. I attended one of the schools that is being closed. In 1977 my parents enrolled me into St. Anthony's on Frankford Avenue, just south of Bel Air Road. I went there from 1st grade all the way through 8th grade. And like most children, my fondest memories of my childhood are at that school or with my friends from St. Anthony's.
My first memory of the school is when my mother dropped me off at the front steps and told me to go inside to room 105. I walk into the school and have no idea where room 105 is, so I stand there and cry.
When I first started attending the school, there were 3-4 classrooms for each grade with each class having about 30 students. That's huge by today's standards when parents demand no more than 15 students in a class. So assuming 90 students per grade, 8 grades, we probably had over 700 students when I first starting going to school there. And I think it's safe to say was probably more as most of the upper grades had 4 classes per grade. And they all had big flowing Barry Gibbs hair.
However, as I moved up in grade level, the newer classes were smaller. By the time I graduated 8th grade in 1986 most of the younger classes were 2 rooms each. I didn't keep in touch with the school after 8th grade as we moved from Rosedale to Bel Air where I attended Bel Air High School, which, coincidentally, was torn down this year to make way for a new high school. So now 2 of the 3 schools that I attended will be gone. The other school that I attended was McCormick Elementary School in Rosedale, where I went for Kindergarten. This is now a Baltimore County ghetto school.
In the late 90's the school attendance dropped dramatically and it eventually merged with some other schools and was renamed Mother Mary Lange Catholic School. St. Anthony must be all fired up - no offense Mother Mary Lange.
So while I understand that the Archdiocese must close schools in order to continue operating effectively, it saddens me to know that part of my childhood will no longer be there. But on the other hand, I probably wouldn't be caught dead in that area today anyway. So from Principal Duckett to Principal MacIntyre to Principal Moore, St. Anthony's is no more.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
The bill that our Senators submitted would effectively repeal a 2005 law that transferred the power to the commission. Both Senators are praising their own efforts to give the power back to the people of the states, despite years of ripping power away from the people.
However, any smart person can figure this one out. Marty O'Malley doesn't want to bring more jobs to Maryland. He wants to keep as many people in Maryland either on the payroll of the government or dependent on hand-outs from the government, thus securing Democratic votes. If we start allowing companies to come here and create jobs, people will start thinking about keeping their money and liberty and all of those other dangerous thoughts.
A couple hundred people protested this LNG gas facility and the route it would take into Pennsylvania. However, you never see people coming out to support new business - just to protest new business. If the facility and pipeline were already built, then people who moved here most likely wouldn't bat an eye at the fact that there's a natural gas line running down the road.
Opponents claim that it will be a target for terrorists. Just like all the other gas pipelines that have been attacked in the United States? So while Babs and Benny are claiming that this bill will give the states the right to decide what we want to do, the real reason is that Marty doesn't want it and if he gets to make the decision, then it isn't going to happen.
And again, Maryland will lose another opportunity to move forward.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
I don't have a problem with the spirit of the visit. We all want to thank our troops for putting their lives on the line. Many of us actually do things like coordinate gift packs, books, magazines, etc. for the soldiers. Marty had to do something so that he didn't look like an callous fool come election day.
But you must ask yourself - how much money did it cost the state of Maryland to fly him there and how much did we have to foot for his protection? God help us if Marty got blowed up. (I heard students from Baltimore City saying 'blowed-up', and since B-more City teachers and elected officials say that the students have made great strides, then 'blowed-up' it is!)
However, like Ehrlich, I question the true reasons for the visit. You know he has an ulterior motive for going there. Now he can go to the military voters (overwhelmingly Republican) and say, "I support the troops! I went to Iraq!!! Go America!!!"
We all know Marty is going to run for Gov'nah again and it's probably safe to say (God help us) that he will win again. But he's clearly lining himself up for a run at Senator. If Babsy runs again, it is probably safe to say (God help us) that she'll win again, she'll finish her term and be done, leaving her seat wide-open for him. John Sarbanes - there ain't no way in H-E-double hockey stick you're going to get that U.S. Senate seat if you run against Marty (God help us).
So on top of Ehrlich doing the mandatory criticism of O'Malley taking this trip during an state-wide economic crisis (which may be to redirect the attention of our short-minded voters), Tony Brown immediately responds by saying that Ehrlich's criticism is irresponsible. I was hoping that Ehrlich would respond to Tony's criticism by saying it was partisan, to which Tony could have replied that Erhlich's rebuttal was inappropriate, to which Ehrlich could have responded that Tony's rebuttal was immature. And so on. And so on.
I love the juvenile nature of politics!!!
Monday, March 01, 2010
It's a little airport in Newfoundland. On 9/11 the U.S. airspace was closed and planes beyond the midpoint across the ocean from Europe had to land somewhere, so many of them were directed to Gander, which is about the size of Martin's State Airport in Middle River, Maryland. I think they said 68 jumbo jets landed there bringing almost 8000 people to a town that only has about 10,000 people total and 500 hotel beds. The video footage was incredible. They showed townspeople coming to the airport to watch these giant planes land one after another for hours. Here's a picture of what the runway looked like that day. They had to stack them up and no one was allowed to disembark until they went through customs, which took about 32 hours because the airport only have a few people to do the work.
If you happen to find it, please respond. I would love to watch it again.